The Shadows of being a Shadow Hunter
by Ektha
Summary: Set after City of Glass. A new family join the Institute. What happens if another  boy has his sights set on Clary. Is their love strong enough to handle mistakes of which there are plenty.
1. The Meads

Summary: Set after City of Glass. A new family join the Institute. What happens if another boy has his sights set on Clary. Is their love strong enough to handle mistakes of which there are plenty.

Chapter one:

"Clary! Where are you? Maryse wants to see us all in the library, now!" Isabelle Lightwood screamed from somewhere in the Institute. "Coming!" I yelled back. I jumped of my bed, shoved my sketchbook under my bed and haphazardly tied my wild red curls in a pony tail.

When I reached the library I saw everyone was seated as well as the new Clave Inquisitor, a woman called Sabine Castings. I looked around to find familiar pools of liquid gold staring at me. Jace. Just seeing him made me smile, he was sitting, at what looked to be a casual posture, but as I looked deeper I saw he was slightly tense. Jace had never had very good experiences with Inquisitors. I smiled a hello at everyone and joined Jace on the couch. Almost instantly he slid his arm around my waist almost replacing the fear and slight curiosity I was feeling.

Maryse cleared her throat seeking the attention of Alec, Isabelle, Mangus, Jace and I. The Inquisitor simply examined her nails. "Children, this is the new Inquisitor, Mrs Castings. She has come to deliver some exciting news from the Clave." Maryse looked nervous, not so much at the news but at how we would take it. I noticed her constantly glancing at Jace.

The Inquisitor stood up and smiled, it was cold but better than Imogen's smile when she first met us. "Thank you Maryse. I do have some good news to tell, especially to you Clarissa." I felt Jace's arm tighten protectively around my waist. She seemed to notice and hastily added, "Its for your training. As you know the Clave values you and would like you to be trained by one of the best mentors for the last half a century." Jace smoothly interrupted, his voice silky smooth but it had an edge of annoyance. "I thought I was going to train Clary, that is what the Clave and Robert decided on." The Inquisitor nodded at this and replied, "Yes, so I heard Mr Lightwood did have the Clave agree, but after some careful consideration the Clave and Council have decided the Clarissa should be taught by someone who is _not_ romantically involved with her." Jace immediately retaliated, "Who better to teach her than someone to who cares about her so much to make sure she is prepared for anything!" I could see the specks of spit that jumped out his mouth, as if to put force behind every word. I quickly held his hand and whispered, "Jace, calm down!"

Inquisitor Castings smiled at my encouragement, "Yes to listen to Clarissa Mr. Herondale. Anyway as I was saying Clarissa will be mentored by Mr. Tomas Mead." Isabelle let out a gasp of awe. Alec's words seemed to mirror her expression. "_The_ Tomas Mead! My word Clary you are honoured!" I blushed and looked at Jace I heard him mutter something about being out shined. The Inquisitor simply looked at Jace and said, "Hopefully you understand what a wonderful opportunity this is for Clarissa, Mr Herondale."Jace just scowled and glared at the carpet.

"Sorry so sound unworthy Inquisitor Castings but _who_ is Tomas Mead." Maryse chuckled and quickly said, "He, Clary, is an amazing shadow hunter! To be taught by him is quite a claim to fame." The Inquisitor nodded at this and then said, "His wife recently died from a demon attack at their Institute in Ireland, so Mr Mead and his two sons will be moving her to help Clary." At this Isabelle squealed, "His sons! Oh my gosh Clary! They are so hot! Wow!" I giggled at this and quickly caught myself when Jace pulled me closer to him. After Isabelle's outburst Mangus and Alec had started talking and Isabelle was shrieking and smiling with her mother. The Inquisitor left without a word except to tell Maryse that the Meads were arriving in two days at noon.

I could believe what had just happened. I needed to think about this, I was being tutored by a famous and, by the sounds of it, deadly shadow hunter. I wasn't sure if I was scared or chuffed. Jace broke my out of my thoughts my leaning down to my ear and whispering, "Lets get outta here." His warm breath tickled my neck making my shiver. I nodded and we silently left the library.

JPOV

As we walked to the music room I grabbed Clary's hand and squeezed it tightly. I know she was nervous and she needed me to be supportive. That is why I didn't jump out of my chair and squeeze the Inquisitor's neck until she let me train Clary. Plus Tomas Mead was a _legend!_ Clary was lucky. We walked silently, Clary deep in thought and me staring at her deep I thought. Just looking at her made me feel at peace with myself. I steered her past the music room and she didn't seem to notice.

Only once we could smell the sweet pollen from the flowers and feel the humidity did she noticed we had gone to the greenhouse. She looked at me in surprise. I smirked, and led her to our spot. I sat down and pulled her on to my lap. She seemed to hesitate and then with a sigh leaned into me. I grabbed a curled and played with it. "You okay?" I asked. She turned around and pecked me on the cheek. Her lips left me wanting more, as usual. I leant down and touched her lips with mine. She smiled under my lips, I kissed her with more force and she responded. I loved the taste of her lips, her cherry flavoured lip gloss taste stayed in my mouth when we drew apart.

"Hey," I said, realising what she was doing, "You didn't answer my questions, are you okay?"

She blushed a delicate pink and mumbled something. I lifted her chin so she was staring into my eyes, I felt like drowning in her eyes of livid green.

CPOV

I felt like I was drowning in his golden eyes. I took a breath and sighed for the fifth time today. He looked at me, puzzled. I took a deep breath and explained, "I'm just afraid that the Clave have given me so much, a honoured tutor, they value me and people thank me for all I have done. I'm just afraid I'm not going to be good enough for anyone. What if I suck Jace? What if I can't kill a demon. How can I protect those I love? How can I truly be a shadow hunter?" Jace cupped my face in his hands and whispered, "Clary, just by being you, you have saved almost everyone in the Idris battle. You are fierce Clary, trust me you can kill a demon, even if you have to use a stele. You deserve everything and more that the Clave has given you! Plus, I will always be there to protect the ones you love Clary." He smirked. Ah how I loved this man. I leant into his chest mumbling my thanks. "Sorry Clary what did you say?" he said with an edge of humour. I sighed and rolled my eyes, "I said thanks Jace," I said kissing his chin. He chuckled. My stomach growled. "Hungry much?" he asked, with a raised eyebrow. I giggled, "Maybe." "Come lets go get you something, I hope Iz hasn't cooked." he said crinkling his nose.

The next two days were filled with Izzy and Maryse preparing rooms and putting on clean bed sheets. Alec dusting all the rooms with Mangus occasionally whispering ideas into his ear which caused him to blush deep red. Jace and I helped out but spent most of our time in the weapons and training rooms. He was preparing me for the sessions to come and I was dreading them.

I had heard a lot about the Meads by noon the day of their arrival. Tomas Mead had been a 'Jace' in his day. Reckless but amazing. He sobered up when he met Madeleine, his wife and they had their first child, James. James was Alec's age, 18 turning 19. They then had their second child, Ash. Ash was Jace's age, 17 turning 18. Then when James was 15 and Ash was 14 their mother died. She and Tomas has gone out on a demon call and she got demon poisoning, which ended up being fatal. Tomas blamed himself. Depressing hey?

So at noon we were all sitting in the library awaiting their arrival. I had made sure I looked good, I was wearing black tights with a tight green top that matched my eyes and pumps. My hair was loose and tame for once. Isabelle on the other hand had gotten dressed as if she was bait. Wearing a mid thigh silver dress with 7 inches high heels and her gold whip she looked bad ass. Everyone was actually dressed up, I had even made Jace look decent. So you can understand our confusion when the portal opened . . . and out fell three men. One tall and thin with grey hair and lovely brown eyes. Another tall and very muscular with straight short hair. Then a beautiful man, with thick curly brown locks and green eyes as vivid as mine, he was tall and lean. And of course they were all covered in black blood and ichor.


	2. An Interruption

Maryse immediately ran forward to help. Mangus was pushed forward to tend to any injuries. Jace was asked to send a fire message to the Clave. Alec was trying to find out what happened. Isabelle ran fluttering between the two sons making sure they were okay... and me? I just stood there looking over the organised chaos.

Jace snapped me of of my reverie. "Clary? Are you okay? You look stunned." I turned to him slowly and quickly cleared my head. "No I'm fine, just shocked. I should go to the infirmary and help set the beds for the Meads." Jace nodded and followed me. He explained that the Meads had been attacked just before jumping into the portal. He joked that my training would be postponed for a couple of days. But seeing that I was clearly lost in my own world he settled on holding my hand.

The Meads had almost fainted from exhaustion and they were all set up in the Infirmary, Tomas was the only one still awake when Jace and I hurried back after making sandwiches for everyone. Tomas was explaining the details of the attack to Maryse and Isabelle stood gasping whenever necessary. When Tomas saw me he beckoned me over. "Hi," I meekly said. He smiled, "Clary. I have heard a lot about you." I smiled back, "All good I hope." He nodded, "Just wanted to tell you that I don't usually make such grand entrances,"he joked. "Also, you'll be glad to know I can't train you until my arm and leg gets better, so the boys will probably train you for the next two weeks or so. I will still sit in on the sessions, but won't be able to physically partake." I nodded, only just then taking in he the deep purpling on his arm, due to demon poisoning. Before I could mutter a thanks Jace interrupted, "Mr. Mead, a pleasure to meet you." Tomas looked at Jace, recognition fluttered across his face. "Like wise Mr. Herondale." "It's Lightwood now," Ja retorted. Tomas smiled, "Yes of course." "Anyway," Jace said getting to the point, "I was wondering if I too could sit in on Clary's training, just for curiosity purposes." I realised what Jace was doing, he wanted to see if they were going to be doing a fair job or not. Tomas raised his eyebrows as if he also got that impression. "Very well Mr. Lightwood." Jace nodded his thanks. Maryse shooed us away stating that Mr. Mead needed his rest and Jace lead me out of the Infirmary.

"Jace!" I exclaimed once we were outside. He raised his one eyebrow perfectly, which just added to my fury. "That was so rude Jace! Are you purposefully trying to piss of my new trainer?" He just smirked and said, "Clary I just wanted to sit in on your lessons, just to see for myself how they were going to go about making a shadow hunter out of you" I shook my head, knowing he was just trying to push my buttons. I let out a sigh and stalked to my room. I heard him jog after me. "Clary!" he called. I turned sharply, putting on an exaggerated angry face, "What?" He just smirked and grabbed my waist, pushing me against the wall. I folded my arms across my chest, trying not to let him see the affect his touch was having on me. He nuzzled his face into my neck and murmured, sorry. Then he grazed his lips over my collar bone, up my neck, along my jaw and finally resting then lightly on my lips. I smiled, I couldn't help it. _Damn my self control!_ He smiled back and pulled away. "Hey!" I exclaimed, pouting. Jace chuckled, "Clary come, lemme walk you back to your room and if your nice I'll give you a kiss good night." I quickly looked at my watch. It was already ten o'clock! Boy the day had flown fast, and I hadn't even said a word to any of the Meads except Tomas. I heave a sigh, "Fine, and I better get a long good night kiss too." Jace just laughed.

When we reached my room Jace pushed me against the wall and crushed his lips against mine. He was force full and passionate. He nibbled my lower lip asking for access, which I duly granted. Our tongues fought against each other. The kiss was fiery and full of white hot hunger for each other. We hadn't had a kiss like this in ages I thought. As his lips moved from my lips to my jaw he lifted me up so that my legs were hooked around his waist and I was pushed higher up the wall. As Jace's lips moved to the hollow spot by my throat and neck I moaned. That was my sweet spot and he knew it. My hands gripped his hair tightly. He groaned In pleasure... That's when I heard someone clear their throat.

JPOV

It was hot and steamy with Clary, something we hadn't done in a while and I was enjoying myself immensely. So you can understand my confusion when suddenly Clary went lank and slipped to the floor, her eyes wide and her face bright red with embarrassment. I swivelled, my hand still on Clary's waist, to see one of the Meads standing behind me with a look of amusement on his face. He was tall and lean, with brown curly hair and green eyes, lighter than Clary's emerald ones. "Hey," I said, trying to act cool. My breath was understandably uneven and this caused him to grin. "Hey," he said, "You must be Jace, and you," he said, looking behind me at Clary, "must be Clary." She blushed deeper and meekly said hello. "I'm Ash Mead."I smirked, "Well Ash, we were _slightly_ busy so is there anything we can help you with?" Clary slapped my arm like a mother and said, " Sorry Ash, Jace can be a bit of an ass. How are you feeling? Should you really be out of bed?" she looked at him with motherly concern. "Oh I realised," he retorted, to which I just smirked as he continued, "And I feel fine thanks Clary. I just needed something to eat and couldn't find my way, stumbling on this." he gestured to us. This caused Clary to blush again. Taking this as my cue I stepped forward. "I'll take you to the kitchen. Clary are the sandwiches still there?" She bit her lip and nodded. Ash look grateful. "'Kay, well good night Jace,"Clary said, slowly opening her bedroom door. I quickly gave her a chaste kiss and turned back to Ash with a look of disinterest on my face. "Come on then,"I said and started walking towards the kitchen.

"So... you and Clary huh?" Ash asked. I turned sharply to him, "What did it look like dumb shit." He raised his hands in surrender, "Sorry man didn't mean to offend you." I felt slightly bad but didn't apologise, the only person I apologised to was Clary. I pushed open the kitchen door and showed him the sandwiches. "Can you make it back yourself," I asked, quite tired. He nodded, his mouth full. I slept soundly that night, thinking only of Clary.

When I woke up the next morning to see see the sun shining through my windows I knew I had overslept. Usually Clary and I went for a jog around the block before training. I was very _very_ late. As I got changed I wondered why she hadn't woken me? Maybe she also slept in, but as I opened my door and headed to the kitchen I heard Clary giggling. Weird, I thought, she was up and didn't wake me. When I walked into the kitchen, expecting Clary to jump up and give me a kiss, I just heard her say in a fit of giggles, "Oh my gosh! You did _not _do that! What did the teacher say?" her question was directed at Ash. God what was he doing here again? "Oh she just threw me out of class, but it was so worth it!" he replied, acting cool and looking at Clary's giggling with amusement. I realised they were both wear running outfits and Clary looked flushed, with a glass of water. I cleared my throat. She looked up and smiled, I smiled back instantly. She got up and gave me a chaste kiss, "Morning," she whispered. "Morning to you too," I said, grabbing her hand and as I sat down pulling her onto my lap. "Hey, Jace," Ash nodded. "Hey dude." I looked at Clary and said in a joking voice, "You forgot to wake me for out jog." She blushed, "Well, uhm," she stammered. "I found Clary at the gates waiting for you and decided to join her, she thought you might need you sleep," Ash smoothly inserted. I looked at Clary for verification, "You looked like you needed it." I nodded and smiled at her, "Well I hope you missed me,"I said and captured her lips in mine. Clary was hesitant at first but slowly kissed me back. We were broken apart by Ash scarping his chair back. Clary pulled back and blushed. I was starting to get pissed at this guy, he kept interrupting. "Well, Clary I'll leave you now, I'll go check how James is and then lets say in twenty minutes we can meet at the weapons room?" "Sure Ash." With that he nodded at me and left.

CPOV

Jace was acting weird around Ash, he usually never showed _this_ much PDA. I turned to him, "Something the matter?" I asked, whispering in his ear. He shivered. "No, I just felt a bit left out about the run. It must have sucked to not have me there, who else was going to tease you with kissed to make you run faster?" he voice was light like he was joking but I detected a little bit of insecurity. I nibbled his ear, "It was agony," I teased. He chuckled, it was music to my ears.

I jumped off his lap and watched while he ate. When he was finished we headed to the Infirmary, hand in hand. Just before we entered he pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered into my ear, "Forgot to tell you I love you Clary." I grinned into his shirt, I looked up and kissed his jawline, "You too Mr. Lightwood."


	3. Eternal Embarrassment

CPOV

When we walked into the Infirmary I heard Isabelle squeal. Jace immediately reached for his seraph blade. I looked for the origin of the sound, Isabelle was giggling into James' ear and he playfully punched her shoulder. Looked like Simon was up for some competition.

"Hey Clary!" Isabelle screeched. I smiled, "Hey Izzy." James sat up and looked at me, it was like he was sizing me up. I blushed under his intense stare. Ash hit his arm, "It's rude to stare James!" he joked. James laughed. "Sorry, hey I'm James." "Hi I'm Clary, and this is Jace," I said pointing at Jace who was examining his nails. "Sup man," he said, "Heard you going be training Clary." James nodded, he grinned wider. "But I don't think I can train today, the demon poison is still affecting me. I thought she could just spar with Ash for now." Ash grinned and sent me a thumbs up. "Yeah, I could also spar with her," Jace retorted. Ash's grin faded but he was still smiling. "Hey people I'm right here! And I don't mind sparring but I kinda wanna go out for a little bit." Jace raised his eyebrow and Ash sent me a puzzled look. "Yeah sure Clary," James said, "Just be back at two, I'll meet you in the training room with Ash and Jace." "Okay cool see you then. Bye Iz." I nodded at James and Jace and Ash followed me out the Infirmary.

"Clary, where are you going?" Jace asked. "I'm just gonna visit Si Jace, I haven't seen him in a while and I need some time to catch up with him." Ash looked at me and then Jace, "Who is Si?' he asked. "The day walking bloodsucker,"Jace said with a scowl. He still didn't like him. "Stop it Jace! That's rude." He just rolled his eyes. I just shook my head. We had walked back to my room and we were standing awkwardly by the door. "Okay then, see you guys at two," I said with a forced smile. "Hey can I come with you?" Ash asked, "I really wanna meet this guy." "Sure, meet me at the front door in five minutes." He nodded and turned to go. Jace was looking at the ground and sighed, highly unusual. "Hey," I coaxed his chin up, "What's up You have been like this the whole day." He gave me a sad smile. "I just don't like seeing you with Ash, he like, I don't know. I just don't like it." This mad me angry, he thought Ash liked me in that way! "Jace you can't be this possessive, he's just a friend, like Simon! Jace you've got to give me lee way to have other friends,"I sighed, feeling bad for screaming at him, "Look I love you Jace, I would never do anything with Ash."I gave him a chaste kiss and he said, "Yeah you're right, I'm being over protective."I smiled, "Hey go play some piano or train, I'll see you soon." I shut the door and sat on the bed with a sigh. Life was just getting complicated.

"Si!" I screamed and he grabbed in a bear hug and swung me around. It had been too long since I last saw him, not that he changed. Being a Vampire he was never going to get older. Lucky bastard. "Hey Clary, uhm... and Clary's friend." he said with a raised eyebrow. "This is Ash Mead, his Dad is my trainer," I explained while Ash leaned forward and grabbed Simon in a handshake. "What an honour to meet such a rare Vampire. It's truly amazing that you can enjoy the sun," Ash amicably said. Simon looked shocked, he wasn't used to _friendly_ shadow hunters except Isabelle and she had ulterior motives. "You like gaming too?" Ash asked, referring to Simon's t-shirt which said Gaming is for winners. "Hell yeah man, you?" Ash nodded and they got into a discussion about Dragons and Dungeons. We walked around a bit and at one thirty Ash and I had to leave. "Bye Simon, see you later,"Ash called out as he walked down the street. I was about to join him, I gave Simon a hug and stepped back to catch up with Ash when Simon said, "He is really nice Clary, I kinda wish Jace was like that." He added a wink at the end and then swiftly turned around and ran in the opposite direction. _URGH! _Did Simon just suggest he wanted me to date Ash instead of Jace?

JPOV

I had been waiting for Clary for, ten minutes now! Where was she? I beheaded another dummy with a grunt as the door swung open. Quickly I turned around, I wanted to make it up Clary, I could see that I pissed her off earlier about the whole thing with Ash. I tried to look happy at the figure that walked in but it turned out to be James, my frown snapped back into place. "Not happy to see me Lightwood?" He said with a smirk. I just shook my head and stabbed another dummy. "What in gods name is taking my brother so long?" He asked, looking around and noticing it was only me. I shrugged and sat down on the mat.

Then I heard Clary laugh, it sounded like bells chiming and I smiled to myself. She walked into to the room in a fit of laughter, her arm on Ash's forearm. "Don't call me that Ash!" she squealed in a fit of giggles. He chuckled back and shrugged, "Try stop me," he whispered into her ear. She blushed a satin red, god she looked beautiful. When she saw me staring she blushed even deeper. "Okay kids lets get a sparring," James called out cheerfully from a chair on the side of the mat, almost ignoring the sexual tension from Ash and Clary. Or maybe I was just imagining it. Clary was wearing black short shorts and a red jt which matched her hair. When she bent down to pick up a seraph blade I couldn't help but leer. "Like what you see?" she asked with a wink. I laughed and jumped up catching her around the waist, "Hopefully I'll see more later," I stage whispered. She ducked her head embarrassed when James laughed. I saw Ash in the corner twirling a dagger looking amused at me.

James first wanted Clary and I to spar in an attempt to see how good she was with someone she was comfortable with. I could see she was nervous, she was biting her lip and fiddling with her hair. We started and she was good, not as good as me, but good. We fought for about half and hour before James told us to stop. She was panting and I smirked, "Well done love." She smiled and grabbed a drink of water. James was sprouting off some tips to Clary. She was nodded and I could see she was grateful for the tips. It was Ash and hers turn to spar and I took a seat next to James.

Ash walked up to her, patted her back and the stood at the ready. They sparred for about half an hour when James stopped and did he same as before. When they stopped I saw Ash place his hand on her back and whisper a praise. It made my blood boil! No-one else should be touching her like that. I took a deep breath. I know I was being stupid, Simon had held her like that, Mangus has. What was wrong with me! I felt so insecure about this whole thing. I think I was just scared of losing her. She wouldn't do that, I knew she wouldn't. Though I couldn't help feeling like I had to make sure she was mine. God this girl was driving me insane!

James clapped and startled me out of my thoughts. Training was over. Clary looked relieved. I stood up and grabbed her hand. She smiled, "I'm proud of you. You did so well!." She blushed and kissed my cheek. "Wanna come to my room?" she suggested. I was taken aback, usually Clary wasn't one to initiate make out sessions. But who was I to complain. "Sure," I smirked and we waved good bye as we left.

CPOV

I walked back to my room feeling pretty darn good with myself. I had had a great day. Jace had behaved and I had seen Simon. I did well in training and... I had a new friend. Ash. He was so nice, funny, clever, sweet. I itched to draw him, his green eyes and lush locks. Wait. Was I perving over another guy! Oh no! No I wasn't I tried to convince myself. Jace is my love, we didn't fight all this while for us to look at other people. I felt so bad. Okay I'm going to make it up to Jace I said to myself. As we entered my room I shut the door and put a locking rune on it. I could Jace's surprise. He was usually the one doing these dirty deeds. I turned and smiled, "Jace..." "Uh huh?" "I love you," I smiled as I placed a hand at the back of his neck and my lips on his. He didn't even reply. He crushed his lips to mine and I responded immediately. His lips left a prickling sensation on mine as he moved down to my neck and collar bone. I moaned, god he was good. I grabbed his hair and tugged his lips back to mine. He lead me to the bed and hovered above me. I lifted his shirt over his head and got lost in his golden eyes. He had lifted my shirt off and we continued kissing with hunger and passion until we heard a knock on the door.

I heard Jace groan. "I swear if it's Ash I will kill him, he keeps interrupting," he said with a smirk. I giggled, my breath very uneven. Someone knocked again. "Clary?" the voice called out. "Yeah?" I called back, my voice terribly shaky as Jace was brushed his lips against my neck. "Uhm, can you open up?"the voice asked again. Hey I knew that voice and so did Jace. "Isabelle! This better be important," he called out chucking me his shirt. I quickly put it on as he opened the door. Isabelle raised an eyebrow at Jace's semi nakedness and my shirt. I blushed, as Jace opened the door wider I saw James and Ash there. I groaned internally. How embarrassing! Jace on the other hand looked like a kid being caught doing something wrong, yet knowing he'll get away with it. "Hey guys, need something?" Jace asked with a smirk. James just laughed to himself and Ash looked down at his laces a deep frown on his face. "I need you to show Ash and James their rooms, they are opposite Alec," Isabelle explained. Jace nodded, "Let me just grab a shirt as mine is being used," he said with a smile and kiss in my direction. "Jace!" I reprimanded as he gave me a hug. Isabelle called out to the boys as they walked away, "We're going to the Pandemonium tonight!" "Okay!" they called back. "Isabelle," I whined, knowing she was going to drag me to her torture chamber, aka her room. "Come on Clary,"She smiled, grabbing my arm and pulling me out my door, "You need to get out Jace's shirt." She added a wink. I giggled as she pulled me into the messy palace of clothes, make-up and shoes with no heels less than 7 inches. Eff my life!


	4. Lissa

**A/N: Hey guys :) i'll make this short cus I hate long a/n's :) well thanks for reviewing etc... and thanks LovetheGrass, you're right it makes everything easier :) oh and to '()' :) uhm im going away to India and Dubai from the 16th to the 8th so no updates during that time :) but I will try do an update everyday until then :) thanks a lot! Xx**

JPOV

I was waiting near the doors of the Institute with Ash and James. Alec stayed behind with Tomas and Mangus because Maryse had to go to Idris for something or the other. James didn't seem to have enough energy to train yet when it came to clubbing he was like Isabelle, ready to make one hell of a night. I heard heels clicking on the tiles, getting myself ready to catch a glimpse at Clary. Whenever Isabelle dressed her up she looked like a fiery red headed goddess. It didn't help me tonight considering James wanted her to be the bait, but I reassured myself knowing I would be there in case anything went wrong.

I was looking at Ash, he confused me. When we was around Clary he was friendly and slightly flirty, but as soon as they were training he was professional and cool. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not but I decided to keep an eye on him just in case.

Suddenly I saw he green eyes widen and his jaw dropped. He was probably staring at Isabelle, she had that affect on men. I followed his graze and saw Clary. She looked beautiful, but that didn't seem like enough, she was stunning, gorgeous, glamorous and more importantly, mine. I smiled at her and looked around for Isabelle, she must have been wearing something very revealing to put that look on Ash's face. Only I didn't see her.

"Where's Isabelle?" James blurted out, immediately embarrassed by his obvious affection for her.

"She is coming now, she just needed to tell Alec something," Clary informed him. I couldn't help but look at her luscious lips while she talked. Then I suddenly realised that Ash has been looking at _Clary_ like that. I sneaked a look at him and he was smiling at her. She smiled back and he stepped forward to hug her. His hands seemed to linger a little too long on her back and he whispered something in her ear. Luckily I had a permanent rune for excellent hearing and what he said made me want to punch something, his face preferably.

CPOV

"You look ravishing Lissa," Ash whispered into my ear, he made me shiver which my conscience immediately blamed on the cold and the fact that Isabelle dressed my like a frikin' hooker.

"I told you not to call me that!" I giggled back. He stepped back to admire me more and was smoothly pushed aside by Jace. Jace grabbed my hand and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I didn't think you could get any more gorgeous," he said, a smirk playing on his lips. I shrugged.

"What can I say, Isabelle has a talent."

He chuckled, "Well we all know its not cooking."

"Excuse me, Jace Lightwood, but I would be afraid if you mock my cooking once more," Isabelle said, glaring at Jace. "But I did do a wonderful job on Clary hey?" she said more gently.

I rolled my eyes, she had treated my like a barbie doll. "Isabelle you look amaz- beauti-stunning!" James said finally, red in embarrassment at his stuttering. Isabelle, just winked and said, "Time to go boys."

As we walked to the Pandemonium Jace slowed so we were lagging behind. I knew he wanted to say something, but would take his time.

"Clary,"he murmured.

"Yip?" I said popping the 'p'

"Why did Ash call you Lissa?"

I groaned, "Jace are you still on about Ash?" I said angrily.

"Well Clary you should have seen his face when you stepped out of Izzy's room. He was dumbstruck, like he really loved you."

"Jace, he is just a friend! Promise! And he just calls me that because he thought it would be his nickname for me. Nothing hectic, okay?"

Jace sighed, "Yea okay. Sorry."

I stopped dead and waited until he turned around with a puzzled expression on his face. "Did Jace Lightwood just say sorry? This must be my lucky day," I injected as much sarcasm into the taunt as possible.

He smiled, a genuine smile and laughed. It was like music to my ears. "Yea yea, you have seen me in my moment of weakness Fray, and I'm gonna have to kill for that,"He sad with a wink.

"Oh really? And how do you plan on killing me?" I asked as we continued to walk, the humour was clear in my voice.

"Hmm," he pretended to ponder, "I could smother you in kisses?"

I giggled, "Sounds like a good way to go."

He grabbed my waist, pulled me almost flush to him, "Want me to start now?" he said, brushing his lips to mine.

"Oi! Guys now is _not _the time! Clary has got to have a clear head in order to be a bait that's not gonna happen if you are teasing her Jace," Isabelle screeched, causing Ash to snicker and James to say,"Now I know why they wouldn't let him train her."

Jace pulled away and I missed his body warmth, "Come on Sunshine, time to kick demon butt," he said as we entered the club.

AshPOV

I had known this girl for just over a day and I was hooked. She was just so beautiful, but so modest about it. Her red hair and green eyes made her a rare commodity. Oh and that giggle of hers, after I had heard it the first time I would have been happy to die then and there. Of course there was the problem that she and Jace were madly in love and I didn't delude myself. They had a rare love that was uncommon for people our age. But I was content with just being her friend, even if that meant watching Jace make her moan in pleasure and wishing I was him.

My heart almost stopped when I saw her, dressed in that skimpy red satin dress that reached mid thigh, her ringlets covering her cheeks. Her eyes looked so big and innocent, like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't seem to enjoy attention, but she deserved it. I knew Jace was already weary of me, but I couldn't help myself when she smiled.

"You look ravishing Lissa!" I whispered, taking in her strawberry scent and noticing how she got goose bumps when I spoke. That made me all the more happy, even when Jace shoved me aside to hug her.

I knew he was asking her about the nickname, something I had come up with to make our friendship more intimate. I ignored them knowing I was going to feel guilty if they got into a fight and I didn't want to ruin my mood. I walked straight into James, my eyebrows raised. Why were we stopping. I followed his gaze. Jace had her flush against his body and bent down to kiss her. I stiffened with a sharp intake of my breath, I saw James looking at me with a weird expression. Quickly I snickered, covering up my earlier mistake.

Once we got inside the club I began to sweat slightly. It was hot and smoky, too many bodies pressed together, gyrating into each other. It was like they were all trying to dry hump one another. I noticed Isabelle and my brother rush onto the dance floor. He was sweet on her, I guess who wouldn't be. I looked for Clary and Jace to see them at the bar, Clary sipping on what looked like a beer and Jace casually scanning the crowd for demons. I joined them and smiled when Clary caught me looking at her.

"Wanna sip?" she asked, holding out the beer bottle.

"No I'm good, thanks." I said, grinning that she cared to ask. Boy I was getting desperate and only after a day.

"Clary, you shouldn't be drinking love, you are the bait," I heard Jace say, suddenly next to her and taking the bottle. She sighed and slumped into the bar chair.

"Clary, male demon at 3 o'clock. Dancing with the blonde," Jace said quickly, moving to the storage door where Clary would lure the demon. Sure enough the demon was there, he looked like a good looking boy with light brown, short hair and blue eyes. But really he was a mould of scaly skin with a huge hump on his back and stingers oozing green liquid. Jace motioned for me to follow him as we informed Isabelle and James. They would stay out here to watch Clary and we would go wait on the storage room and wait for her to bring the demon back.

Once inside the storage room my headache faded as the noise was shut out. Jace turned to me and said in a deadly whisper, "Stop flirting with Clary. She really wants you as a friend and if you keep up your flirting I won't let that happen."

I turned to him, furious at what he was saying. Of course he was making sense as he was her boyfriend. But right now I was just focused on how he said he would shove me out of her life. I took a deep breath, "Jace, I am _not _flirting with Clary (big lie). I only want to be her friend (bigger lie)." He nodded at me and grunted that he approved of my answer.

CPOV

The demon smelled like shit, really, like a sewer mixed with rotten eggs. I resisted the urge to gag and he grabbed my hips and grinded against me.

"Lets go some where more private," I whispered seductively into his ear. He nodded excitedly, and pulled her towards the storage room, licking his lips hungrily. He pushed me against the rough stone wall, not bothering to notice Jace behind the door staring at his back. The demon bent down to kiss my neck, I saw Jace's eyes narrow as his mouth neared my neck. That's when I shoved my dagger into the demon's chest and it slowly turned to ash, a ghost scream on it's face.

I smiled triumphantly. "Well done Clary!" Jace said, his face inches from mine. I giggled. "I didn't like it that you let him that close to your neck before you killed him," Jace whispered, his eyes flashed angrily.

"Oh come on! You are just jealous you didn't get to kill him and he almost kissed me," I teased pushing him away and winking.

"Nicely done Lissa," I heard Ash say, a smile on his lips.

"Thanks Ash. Come on lets get Iz and James and head home, I'm tired," I whined at the boys grabbing Jace's hand and exiting the storage room.

The walk home was good, the cool air was soothing to our hot faces and James had complimented me greatly on the kill. I was proud of myself and so was Jace. I was floating in a cloud of euphoria.

When we got home Iz suggested we watched a movie, everyone was up for it and Alec and Mangus joined us. This is why two hours later I was sitting on the couch, covered in a throw and cowering under Jace's arms, watching...Saw 3. Yeah perfect for shadow hunters right (cue eye roll here) Jace found this all very amusing and would shake with silent laughter every time I bought the blanket up to shield my face.

Due to the graphic horrors of the film it was no wonder I couldn't get to sleep. So while I was counting sheep, really I was, I heard a beautiful sound. It was the piano playing. Though Jace wouldn't be playing now would he? I got up and figured he could keep me company in this long and sleepless night.

When I opened the door to the music room I noticed that the person playing the piano was lean and thin,with thick chocolate brown, curly locks. He moved with the music, totally immersed, his eyes closed and lips slightly parted. He would have been wonderful to draw, the moonlight giving his hair a sliver tinge and the shadows thrown across his face made him look older, wiser as if they represented the burdens being a shadow hunter was. Definitely not Jace.

It was as if he sensed me there, staring at him with a painters hunger. I smiled weakly when he shook his head as if to make sure he wasn't dreaming. I expected a witty remark about me staring at him, instead he whispered, whilst still playing the soft sad tune, "I was just thinking about you."

I looked at him, his glare was intense and full of sincerity. He smiled as if he realised how uncomfortable his last statement had made me. "Come here," he said shifting aside on the piano stool. I quickly sat down, taking in that he was only wearing long track pants. His torso bare, pale with even paler scars all over. Then I realised all I was wearing was panties and one of Luke's tops that stopped at the top of my thigh. He kept looking at me, still playing, not missing a note. Just like Jace.

I stared right back at him, he long lashes almost sent a wind across my face, I shivered. "You cold?" he whispered, his breath raising my hairs.

"No," I blurted out, realising how stupid I sounded, "I mean you make me shiver when you whisper to me." WTF was I saying!

He also looked surprised, like he didn't expect me to say that. Who would, I mean I had a boyfriend, who I reminded myself,I went through hell just to be with. He leant forward, his face mere centimetres from mine. My breath hitched, I was frozen scared that if I moved I would move into him. His lips parted and he moved closer, his lips almost brushed mine... when suddenly the door opened.


	5. The Truth Comes Out

_His lips parted and he moved closer, his lips almost brushed mine... when suddenly the door opened._

CPOV

You know when they say time slows when you're in trouble or immediate danger (about to die). Well that's how I felt. If Jace was behind that door, we would be over and I wouldn't be able to live without him – hence the slow motion.

The door creaked open and suddenly I unfroze. I jumped away from Ash as if he had burned me and tumbled off the piano stool into – James Mead. I breathed a silent sigh of relief and saw Ash take a deep breath. The music I noticed had stopped. I stepped out of James' hands and turned around, explanation at the ready. Though instead of seeing his dull brown eyes I was faced with icy blue ones. Shoot! Isabelle.

Isabelle's eyes widened in shock and her lips parted, I jumped forward as if to catch the words that left her mouth.

"WTF is happening in here Clarissa!"

No such luck...

I heard the patter of bare feet hit the tiles as Alec and Jace rushed in at Isabelle's cry.

"Jeez Iz, you could have all but screamed bloody murder." I muttered. She just cocked and eyebrow and mouthed 'explain'.

JPOV

I woke up from my bed in a start, my hand under my pillow reaching for _Alatis, _my seraph blade. Who had screamed? I jumped out of bed and ran towards the noise. It was coming from the music room and from what I could see through the crack of the door was Izzy and Clary. As I sped into the room I noticed Ash on the piano stool and James leaning against the wall. Clary looked scared and frightened, Izzy just looked pissed.

"What's wrong?" I asked urgently as they turned to me. Alec nodded in agreement with my question.

"Yea Clary, what's wrong?" Iz asked sarcastically. Clary pursed her lips.

"You're the one that screamed Iz." Alec pointed out.

"Well rather ask Clary what she was doing in the music room so late...with Ash," she muttered the last part under her breath but I caught it. I turned to Clary, jealous thoughts tainting my mind.

"Clary, care to explain?" I asked through clenched teeth. I knew I had on my mask, devoid of all emotion. Clary hated it. I saw Ash's eyes widen and he stood up from the piano stool. "Don't you move a muscle Ash or I will tear you apart." I added. I saw Clary gulp. James stepped forward.

"Why don't we leave Clary, Ash and Jace to sort this out, without any violence." he looked at me.

"That would be great," Ash said, in an uneven voice. I nodded and Clary just looked down. She looked guilty I thought.

CPOV

Holy mother! Jace looked mad enough to kill. Not that I could see any emotions, all saw was that mask. Urgh how I hated the mask, it was like talking to a brick wall.

"Okay Clary, what happened?" Jace asked.

"Uhm, nothing really."

"Define nothing Clary cause you look pretty guilty to me."

"Of what Jace?"

"Why don't you tell me."

"Okay guys lets calm down, lets say what happened," Ash compromised. I nodded.

"Well?" Jace said.

"I couldn't sleep after watching that horrid film and I heard music," I started, looking at Jace, "When I came in it was Ash," I turned my gaze to him. "And...well... I was listening... and he was – errm – playing... and..."

"And what Clary!" Jace yelled. I flinched.

"Clary asked if I could teach her the song words and so I was whispering the lyrics into her ears," Ash smoothly interrupted. I let a small gasp out of my throat, but Jace didn't seem to notice. Jace looked deep in thought and then sighed.

"Come Clary lets go to bed," he said. I looked at him with confused eyes but followed him out the music room. As I walked out I heard someone whisper, "Good night."

The walk back to Jace's room was silent and there was still tension. I was lost in my thoughts. I really needed to stay away from Ash, Jace was my life and I couldn't give him up for some chemistry between another guy. What Jace and I had was real love, the stuff that fairy tales were made of. Sure we had disagreements, but never once did we broach the subject of breaking up. Not after all the suffering we went through to be together. And here I was being unfaithful, I always thought Jace would flirt with other girls, and he did, but he never almost kissed them while they were playing a mesmerising song on the piano and you felt compelled to draw them. Nope. Not that I knew of.

Once we reached Jace's room I expected him to say good bye and leave me, instead he let me into his room. I knew he was still angry and probably have that brick wall mask on but when he turned to face me it was much worse.

I could see that pain and hurt misting his eyes. I could see underlying distrust and disbelief. I preferred the mask much more. I wanted to run to this Jace, find out where it was hurting and kiss it better. But I knew better, he would probably shove me away if I got any closer. So I was extremely confused when his lips met mine.

No, met is the wrong word, they obliterated my lips. He came down with such force I was pushed against the door. I was frozen for a second, in fright, this kiss was forceful, but not with passion. It had another driving force. I realised he was trying to loose all his frustrations in this kiss. I kissed him back with as much force. Our lips parted and we dove into one another's mouths. Our tongues fighting for dominance, but for once I let him win. When we pulled apart we were both breathing heavily.

"Clary, I know that's not what happened," Jace whispered. His voice cracked with emotion.

I opened my mouth to protest, explain, beg, I wasn't too sure which one yet. But he silenced me with another frustrated kiss.

"I love you Clary!" he said with desperation, "I never want to lose and I will show you how much I love you." He kissed me again, hard.

"Jace-"

"You are the sun in my world, without you I would wither and die." Another kiss.

"You make me feel human, like I am allowed weakness. You make losing possible. But I can't lose you!" And with that he kissed me and threw me on the bed, hovering above me. His kisses began losing their anger and became gentle and caressing.

"Clary I don't want to know what happened, but promise me it won't happen again. I'm not sure if I can even bear you being friends with that scum, but please Clary, _please_ stay with me. Please..."

I looked into his eyes and gave a small gasp. His eyes were brimmed with tears, they had a light of vulnerability, that made me understand. I could make or break his world. One tear slipped out. I kissed it away.

"Never will I leave you. Always I will stay."

"I love you Clary."

"I love you too Jace."

"Are you still going to be friends with _him?"_

I sighed, "His a friend I don't want to lose, but I don't want to lose you."

"Okay, but then be his friend and nothing more." I looked at Jace. This was odd, why was he being so nice about it. He shrugged as if he read my thoughts. "I know you will never hurt me." My breath hitched and I rolled away, out of his arms. I didn't deserve him. He deserved so much better.

"I better go. Tomorrow is more training." I got up and left. I heard him sigh and then fall on the bed. A tear fell down my cheek. I needed to make a choice.

Sunshine shone through the windows, waking me from me fitful sleep. I ran a hand through my matted curls. I had a game plan. I was going to avoid Ash at all costs. It looked like a had an attraction to him but I was _not _ going to follow through. He had caused me too much trouble already.

Jace... Jace was another story. I had decided to keep my distance. He needed more than what I was giving him and I couldn't live with the thought that I had cause he so much pain. Today was going to be a tough day.

JPOV

I woke up and felt rays of sun on my body, warming up my muscles for the hard day ahead. Last night felt like a nightmare, but I knew I wasn't so lucky. It had been real. Clary had done something with Ash. I hoped nothing too bad, but I could see she liked him. The way she looked at him, and how she didn't want to give up their friendship even though it was hurting her relationship with me. She felt attracted to him. Only I didn't know how much, I wanted Clary to be happy and if that meant crushing my heart into a million tiny little splinters I would be happy to take the pain. Cause that how much I loved her! I wondered if she would do the same. Two days ago I would have said yes, now I wasn't so sure.

I got up, had a shower and made my way to the kitchen. On the way I heard some hissing and loud (yell) whispering. It was Iz and Clary. I stood behind the corner, wanting to know the details of the conversation.

"What happened last night Clary!" Iz yelled in frustration. Just as I thought, they were talking about her and Ash.

"Nothing Izzy." Clary protested.

"Don't lie Clarissa! I saw you, you kissed him!" I stifled a cry. Did she really? Would she really do that to me, I could almost feel the physical pain, but I pushed through, No Clary would deny this. She would never do something like this.

"No Iz, we didn't kiss!" she shouted, making me drunk with relief but it was short lived, "We almost did." My heart fell. "And I don't know what to do Iz! I love Jace! But Ash... Ash just makes me feel like Clary. Not the shadow hunter, not the daughter of Valentine, not the Angel girl. He just makes me feel like Lissa."

I felt numb... Clary was slipping away from me... to Ash. Then I felt anger! I ran past them, hearing Iz comfort Clary as she cried. Clary seemed to realised I had heard her because she quickly dried her tears and I heard her following me. Screaming my name. I didn't turn around, my vision was too tainted with rage. This bastard was trying to take my Clary away from me and worse, he was succeeding. Well, he was going to die for it.

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! :) Urgh not too happy with this chapter, I was kinda stuck. I have no idea were the story should go so this was just leading onto something I could maybe work with. Any ideas? Cause I sure do need them! xx**


	6. Does She Deserve It?

_This bastard was trying to take my Clary away from me and worse, he was succeeding. Well, he was going to die for it._

I ran towards the kitchen, knowing he was in there. I slammed the door open and Alec dropped his toast in surprise. James cocked an eyebrow and Ash glanced up from the newspaper. For some reason this seemed in infuriate me even more.

I stalked over to him, hearing Alec and Clary shouting, screaming, mumbling, I wasn't too sure. Ash looked up and his eyes followed me, he was a good fighter and was watching me like I was a threat. Funny thing, I was. I lunged forward and grabbed him by his collar, shoved him against the wall.

"Jace, what the hell dude?" he asked. My vision went red.

"What the hell! What the fuck is wrong with you? You try to kiss my girlfriend and then ask me 'what the hell'!"

He looked down, guilty.

I could hear Clary screaming at me to stop and she ran towards me. Too late, I punched him.

CPOV

I was crying after I had confessed the thoughts that had been haunting me. I think Iz was still peeved, but she comforted me. Trying to calm me down. That's when I saw a flash of gold. Iz saw it too. It was Jace. Shit! He had heard, that was the only explanation. Iz seemed to understand and we took off running after him. Man he was fast. I tried to keep but he was just too fast. My heart was beating wildly. I was scared. Scared for Ash, scared for Jace and lastly, scared for myself. Jace was angry and I didn't know what to expect. I was scared about the consequences. This just seemed to release a whole new dam of tears. I was vaguely aware of the salty liquid on my lips, dripping into my mouth.

"Jace!" I screamed, willing him to stop.

When I got to the kitchen I saw Alec frozen in shock. James just looked curious. Ash, Ash looked calm and collected. Ready for anything. But no-one was ready for Jace. I rushed to Alec begging him to stop Jace. But it was too late.

I heard a thud as Jace picked Ash up by the collar and slammed him into the wall.

"Jace! Stop!" Iz and I screamed.

He reared back his hand and we all heard the crack as Jace broke his nose. My vision was blurred with tears. This could not be happening! This seemed to put Alec and James into motion. James grabbed Jace restraining him and Alec grabbed Ash, but both boys seemed to get out of their restraints. I saw them in a scuffle on the floor, Jace was being punched in the stomach, only to kick Ash in the shins. They jumped on top of one another, trying to cause as much damage. I ran to the intertwined mass on the floor and tried to pull them apart.

"Stop! Please! Please! Stop!" I screamed, they didn't seem to hear me. Suddenly I was kicked on the stomach, the wind was knocked out of me. James noticed and quickly grabbed me before I fell.

"Clary," he said trying to keep me out of the way.

"Stop them James!" I screeched. IZ had finally gotten hold of Ash and Alec of Jace.

"Let go of me Alec!" Jace hissed, blood running down his face from a gash on his forehead.

"Isabelle, do not get involved." Ash said, blood running freely from his nose. They continued to struggle against Iz and Alec.

Suddenly James whistled. "Enough!" he screamed. Jace and Ash stopped suddenly, looking at James. "You boys have acted like bloody children! Clary got hurt trying to prevent it! Now this is enough nonsense! Jace come with me. Ash let Isabelle take you to the infirmary. Alec please take care of Clary." Both boys' gazes fell to the floor, ashamed but I could still see Jace's hands clenched in fists.

I was whisked away by Alec. I tried to protest. I needed to see Jace. Make sure he was okay, make sure he understood he was the only one for me. I needed to see him. I tried to convey this is to Alec but I couldn't speak. The wind had been knocked out of me during the fight.

"Just hush Clary, let them cool down."

Once we got to my room Alec laid me down on my bed. That's when it hit me. The overpowering emotion. Guilt. This was all my fault. I had cause this. No-one else, it was all on me. I had carelessly let down my guard with Ash and stupidly let Jace forgive me. I was the reason for the blood in the kitchen, for the tension in the Institute. I was the reason and now I had to live with it.

JPOV

When I punched Ash I heard the satisfying sound of his nose breaking. He retaliated, trying to punch me back, but I was too angry. I could feel myself being restrained by James, I could hear Clary's screaming sobs, but I was focused. Ash. He was the target. The outlet of all this pain and hurt. All this rage. He was going to pay. I yanked myself out of James' grip and attack him once more. He kicked me in the stomach and I fell to the floor. I kicked him hard in the shins and he fell down next to me.

I don't really know what happened after that. All I knew is that I was angry and suffering and it was all because of him. If he could just go away, die, leave, anything my life wouldn't hurt any more. As we were rolling in the floor, grunting and pushing I realised. I wasn't only angry with him, I was angry with Clary as well. So when I punched him it wasn't only his hate that fuelled me. It was my hurt of betrayal from Clary.

Then Alec had his hands wrapped around my forearms. I told him to let go of me. A loud sharp sound made us freeze. James whistled. I saw he had Clary in his arms and she looked terrible, pale, weak. I could see the tear tracks down her face and her lips were pouted in an effort not to cry. I wanted to run to her and hug her, comfort her from the pain. James proceeded to scream and scold us, I couldn't help but clench my fists to prevent myself from launching at Ash.

"...Jace you come with me..." that's all I heard. God he was going to give me a personal lecture, just great.

Alec let go of me and I sauntered out the kitchen, wiping the blood from my face. I felt James follow me until we reached the door of the Institute. The cold air was like a slap to my face and suddenly I didn't feel strong or full of rage. I felt weak, there was a pain in my chest. I suppressed the urge to break down and sob my heart out. No I was Jace Lightwood, I didn't show emotion.

I turned towards James. My poker face on but I could see he could see the pain in my eyes.

"What" I asked, putting as much venom into my voice as I could.

"Jace sit down." I sat down and he took a seat beside me on the stairs. "Jace, what happened?"

" Well I punched Ash and we got into a fight. I didn't realise you were blind."

He smiled, a small smile in amusement.

"What? What the hell could be so fucking funny?" I asked.

"Jace I used to be just like you. Sarcastic, snide, arrogant, the charmer, ladies man." I snorted, "Sure you were."

"I was Jace, then I fell into a proper relationship. With a girl called Lucy. God she was beautiful, deep grey eyes, pitch black hair and these pink pouty lips. But she wasn't a player like me. She would only settle for a proper relationship. I was so whipped I agreed. Those were the best 8 months of my life! Then one day one of her ex's paid her a visit. He was in town for a few days and they got together for coffee. I walked past the Starbucks, on my way to her house and I saw them making out through the windows. I flew into a fit of rage. Got a rap sheet for assault. I was almost sent to reform school, that's how bad I messed him up. So I basically know how you're feeling. You want Clary so bad, but she broke your heart and you may not be able to forgive her for that. I know, trust me, how confused you are. You are hurt beyond belief and this is were you look back and say being a heart breaker was so much easier because you were the one causing the pain. Yet, you can't help but still love the months that you were together with her. You want that feeling of bliss and oneness back, but you can't have it without feeling cheated. Because she broke your heart, does she really deserve it back again..."

I looked at James, he voice cracking on the last sentence. In his eyes were un-shed tears, his hands clenched into fists. He looked how I felt. I could see the betrayal and hurt on his face. I also saw the inner turmoil, the confusion and the regret. He actually understood. He looked at me, a small sad smile on his face.

" What do you do?" I asked him, I let my desperation leak into my voice. I needed help. For once me my life I wanted to be lead, I wanted someone else to take charge, to guide me. I wanted to be a sheep instead of a shepherd, a follower instead of a leader. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do.

"Jace... I don't know. I mean I moved. But I found her willingly kissing him, Clary just _almost_ kissed Ash. It's the same feeling, but by the looks of it she understands that she has hurt you and she looks willing to do anything to fix it. The one thing that I will tell you to do, it to talk to her buddy, I didn't speak a word to Lucy afterwards and that's what I regret. I regret not taking time to listen to her side and without that I can never get closure. And trust me you need closure."

I nodded, running my hands through my hair, "Thanks man." James just smiled and got up, leaving me alone.

I needed to speak to Clary, I needed to fully understand her side and what happened and carefully think about what I was going to do. I was still angry with Ash, I didn't expect that to go away any time soon but what was really killing me was the fact that I still loved Clary, with all my heart and soul. But James was right, did she deserve to have it back?

CPOV

It had been two hours since the fight and I stayed in my room. I was too much of a coward to go anywhere. I desperately wanted to check on Ash and see if he was alright. I needed to go see Jace, but I couldn't do one or the other without causing another scene.

Finally I got the courage to see Jace, Ash would understand. I crept into his room, it was still light, the sun shining brightly. He lay on his bed shirtless. He looked amazing, his muscles rippled as he looked up to see how it was, they tensed and relaxed and his finger idly closed his book. His face was healed completely now from an _iratez_ and he looked fine.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"Hey."

"Can we talk?" I asked, venturing further into his room to the foot of his bed.

"Sure."He swung his legs over so he was sitting on his bed and patted the side next to him. I sat down and met his gaze. His eyes were tight with a number of emotions, confusion, hurt, resentful and pain.

"Did you kiss him Clary, and be honest."

I shook my head furiously, "No Jace, we almost did but I would have never kissed him! I would have stopped it Jace. I would never be unfaithful to you, honest."

"Clary, you only broke apart because the door opened." he gently reminded me.

By now tears were streaming down my face, "Yes, but I wouldn't have Jace, I swear. I wouldn't have kissed him."

He smiled sadly,wiping away the tears and pulled me onto his lap, "Something tell me you wouldn't have been able to stop," he whispered into my hair. I felt the pain as the statement hit home, I curled up on his lap unable to speak, sobbing too hard.

"Shhh..." he soothed rocking me in his arms. I felt so safe but I knew from what he was saying that things weren't mended.

"I- I love you Jace," I stuttered out. He nodded and smiled, "I know you do Love, I love you too. But -" he stopped rocking me and lifted my face to his, he cleared the curls away to I could see his golden tawny eyes. "But?" I asked.

"I think we should take a break." And my heart cracked into a million small pieces.

**A/N: I was seriously crying when I wrote this :( but please don't hate me! In a few chapters things will get better, promise! Thanks so much for the reviews and awesome ideas. As you can see I didn't follow one idea but took bits from all of you to make a unique plot. But thanks a million guys! :) xx**


	7. Gabriella

"_I think we should take a break." And my heart cracked into a million small pieces._

Its been two months. Two months since I almost kissed Ash. Two months since Jace broke up with me. Two months since I've uttered a proper word to either of them. Two months since I've been happy.

I sighed, I was sitting on my bed, sketching, but couldn't find myself getting lost in the drawing. This had always been my release, my way of coping but it wasn't working. "Urgh!" I screamed softly and threw my sketch pad on my bed. I got up and grabbed my stele and _thinatas_, my seraph blade. I opened my door silently and walked across the hallway. I knew every crack, every squeak and every creak my route could make. I had been doing this for about 4 weeks. I reached the elevator, the only flaw in my brilliant get away plan, the bloody thing made such a noise at night. I was always sure it would wake everyone up, but so far I had been lucky.

I crept outside, the cold air whipped at my face as if to warn me of the dangers I could experience. I licked my lips, the rebellious feeling paralysing me. I would always pause when it came to this point. Should I leave my sanctuary to be reckless or stupid? But then there was another voice that raised a convincing argument, should I go back when every day I had to look into the eyes of a man I loved and hated, to see every one look at me with pity and sympathy. To hear people speak his name and then look over to see if I was okay. Could I go back to the place where training was the only time I felt secure enough to show emotion, to a place where I didn't talk to anyone, not Alec, Isabelle, Mangus, Simon. Even Maryse had tried to reach me, to pull me out of the black abyss I was falling into. No one could help me and I was reminded of that fact every day, every hour I was in that... that place... that prison.

I drew a shaky breath, that argument always won.

I walked in the shadows heading to the alley I had found the _drevak_ demon last night. Yeah, I was hunting demons. It was something I often did now, a way I felt I could properly vent my anger, my pain, my self destruction. I had tried other ways, screaming, breaking things, using words to hurt people. I even took the razor out of my shaver once and cut myself, but that didn't help. Not one bit. Then one day I was out for a walk because I couldn't sleep and came across an _oni_ demon. I had been training harder and longer so I wasn't too scared. I had fought it and better yet killed it. Afterwards I realised, when I was fighting that demon, when I was calculating a way to kill it, to destroy it. All my anguish, my grief, my rage came falling out. So it became a part time for me, sneaking out and losing myself in a killing. No one knew and I doubt they cared, I had hurt them all this last month in an attempt to feel in control, to take the pain away from me and give them a single dose, a minuscule taste of the pain I felt. The results? I was even more lonely.

I heard a cracking sound, like a branch being broken but my shadow hunter instincts told me to check it out. Sure enough as I rounded the corner, hidden by the wet foliage I saw a _ravenger_ demon on top of a fey child. It was a black swirling mass of garbage. It stunk of rotten eggs and curled milk. I had to prevent myself from kneeling over and vomiting up the little dinner I had eaten.

"Ahem..." I called out, trying to get the demon's attention. It turned to me, momentarily distracted. The fey child realised this and quickly scrambled up and ran away. The demon didn't even seem to notice, he had bigger worries.

"Nephilim," it hissed. I looked up, a cold smile on my face.

"You know I have had a really bad day, really _really _bad day. Too bad for you,"I said as I jumped at it. I slashed its arm and it hissed in pain as black blood flowed from the wounds. I stood up looking at it expectantly. It lunged forward, trying to swipe me with its club hands. I vaguely saw a stinger behind it as I flipped backwards out of reach. Wait, a stinger? _Ravenger_ demon don't have stingers, what demon was this? I looked closely at it; I hadn't bothered to earlier, knowing I was going to kill it but this was a demon I had never seen before. It stood tall, like a blurred human, it had clubs as hands and claws as feet. A stinger peeped out from its back, like a scorpion. Except a scorpion didn't have a row of smaller stingers along its back and up its head like a Mohawk. Nope, definitely not a _ravenger_. Oh well, demons were demons.

I jumped forward trying to get a clear shot at its chest, surprisingly it didn't have any armour protecting its heart.

"All the more easier for me to kill you with," I muttered as I delivered the fatal blow. The demon screeched in anger and slowly dissolved into ash. I looked down at myself and groaned.

"Great, ichor on my nicest sweat pants and blood in my hair, my day just keep getting better," I mumbled to myself.

"Ichor comes off real easy, just pop it in the washing machine, promise," a voice sounded behind me. I quickly pivoted, in a defensive stand to see this mysterious person who had crept up on me.

I turned to see a beautiful girl. She had honey coloured hair, with the most mesmerising eyes. They were a pale blue that bordered on grey, with flecks of green and gold. She had perfect oval lips and very high defined cheek bones. She was thin and tall with a very narrow waist and big boobs. She was tanned with slight freckles all over her body. Her mouth was in an amused smile.

"Hey."

My eyes narrowed, "Who are you?"

Her eyes widened in surprise, "Oh, I'm Gabriella, a shadow hunter." she raised her hands up in surrender.

I raised my eye brows, "I can't see any marks, or scars."

She smiled as if she knew I was going to say that, "Spray tan my girl. It works wonders," She winked with a smile. I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm Clary."

"Hey Clary, maybe you can help me?" she asked.

"What's up?"

"Uhm, well I have been trying to find some friends of mine, the Lightwoods. I'm not sure if you know them."

I grinned, "Yeah, I live with them."

Her mouth formed an 'O' and she nodded, "At the Institute right?"

I nodded, "Come on, lets go back."

…

Once we reached the Institute I asked Church where Maryse was. He meowed and guided me along the hall way towards the kitchen. I thought back to the walk here. Gabriella had been quiet, in deep thought. She seemed nice I had decided. Sweet even, she was bad ass by the looks of it. After I concentrated I could see her scars. They were a paler brown against her skin and actually looked beautiful, they covered every inch of her and I wondered how I missed it before.

I heard murmuring before I swung the kitchen door open and stalked in. Everyone was there even though it was 6 in the morning. By everyone I mean, Iz, James, Alec, Mangus, Ash, Tomas, Maryse and... Jace. His eyes locked with mine before I hastily look away and at Maryse, but before I could utter a word of our new visitor Isabelle screamed, "Gabz! Omg is that really you! Its been for ever. What are you doing her? How did you get here? How is everyone at home?" she released her endless stream of questions.

Maryse, Alec and Jace seemed to know her because they all stepped forward to hug her. "Gabriella, how on earth did you get here?" Maryse asked after she had offered her a coffee and sat her down at the table. I noticed that Iz looked happy, Alec looked confused as well as Maryse. And Jace... Jace looked amazed.

Gabriella giggled, "Well I was walking around central park and I saw Clary kill this demon, so I -" but before she could continue Jace interrupted.

"What the hell were you doing in Central Park, killing a demon Clary!"

I looked up at him, ignoring my heart as it beat faster, "And why would you care?" I asked with a smirk. I knew I was being a bitch but he deserved it.

I know I had hurt him, hurt him big time with the whole incident with Ash and he said we were just 'taking a break'. So I tried everything, constantly apologising, I completely shunned Ash out. I did everything I could to get Jace back. And how my efforts were rewarded you ask? Nope, he didn't acknowledge my pain as I tried to make things right, no, we didn't talk about it or get back together. No, he made out with some random girl at the Pandemonium. I think that was the breaking point when old Clary finally disappeared and the new, improved, bullet proof Clary emerged. The worst part was even after he didn't apologise, he didn't even look sorry after Isabelle had screamed at him. He just shrugged and walked away. The next day he acted in the same usual ass hat manner, as if we were just friends and nothing had ever happened. That was the part the stung me and drove me to anger. I wasn't sorry any more, I was angry and I had been angry ever since.

My statement had hurt him, I could see it on his face. A flicker of emotion before his anger took over. "Clary, you could have been _killed_," he shouted.

I shrugged, "If only," I muttered and I saw Jace heard. "Well Maryse, I'm finished, gonna hit the sack. See ya later," I called as I walked out of the room. I heard Jace and Isabelle ask if she was going to talk to me about the demon hunt but Maryse just sighed and said something about me going through a hard time and not listening to her any way.

She was right about that, I wouldn't listen to her.

…

JPOV

Gabriella, I thought. Is this really Gabriella, my Bella. My first kiss, my first girlfriend, my best friend. Wow, she had changed. She looked great actually, more mature and happy. She used to be friends with the Lightwoods and we had so many fun memories together. Then suddenly she moved to Tokyo. This was because her father had accepted the job of looking after the Tokyo Institute. He had been offered the job and was considering it, but when Bella's brother died from a Vampire attack they decided a change would be good.

The last time he had seen Bella was the day before she left. I was 14 and she was 13. She had kissed me gently and told him they were moving. Her eyes were dull and her voice devoid of all emotion. She had been like this ever since Manny had died. I had been secretly happy that she was moving, this Gabriella was nothing like the Bella he had loved.

But I saw she had changed. She was smiling, he eyes lit with joy and excitement. She was laughing and giggling and it warmed my heart to see her full of life again. Once she started to explain how she had found her way here all my happiness and awe was sucked out of me. Clary was fighting demons, by herself!

"What the hell were you doing in Central Park, killing a demon Clary!" I screamed furious at her for being so stupid.

"Why do you care?" she answered with a smirk. I willed my heart to beat slower and for her green eyes to stop rendering me speechless. I was truly hurt by her comment. She thought I didn't care?

Sure I had been hurt when she had almost kissed Ash. I felt as though I was torn apart and would never heal. I could see I had hurt her as much by taking a break but I felt angry, she needed to know how I felt. She tried hard to make it up, always saying sorry and she stopped talking Ash. She tried hard but I was still too angry to forgive her. Then one day we were at the Pandemonium and I was flirting with the other girl, I knew it was driving her insane but I still wanted her to feel some of what I had felt. Then before I knew what I was doing I kissed the girl. The whole time I was comparing her to Clary, her lips, her taste, her smell. When I pulled away Clary was gone and by the look on Isabelle's face I figured Clary had seen the kiss. I had gotten an earful for Iz later that night and I had felt satisfied that Clary finally understood what I went through. I had been thinking this when Iz had been screaming at me and when she calmed down and she had said, "Jace you have hurt Clary a hundred times more than she has hurt you." After that I just felt like a jerk. She was right but I didn't let her know it, I walked out of there, my ego still intact but inside I was screaming at myself. Clary hated me now and I figured I couldn't fix it. Even I would hate myself. I know I should have apologised by I just kept telling myself that she hated me and never wanted to see me again so what was the point of an apology. I was wrong but I convinced myself it was better that I pretended we never had a relationship and treat her normally, what ever that was.

So every day I have to pretend that I have no feelings for the love of my life. I have to pretend that she doesn't make me catch a breath or that her eyes don't make me feel like time has stopped. I pretend she is just some other girl.

She didn't hide away her anger, she openly loathes me and makes sure I know. Yet she hides her pain. I know because I do it too. She hides away all the time, putting on a bravado façade and threw herself into her training. She has become so much of a handful for Maryse that Maryse just gave up. I knew she was becoming reckless but I didn't know she was _that _reckless. Hunting demons alone! What was wrong with her?

"Clary, you could have been _killed_," I screamed. Did she not understand the worry that flowed through every one in this room, especially me.

"If only," she muttered. I was shocked. She wanted to die? Or was she just being dramatic. She couldn't talk like that. She didn't understand the pain and grief we would got through if she died. Her statement seemed to shock every one and with that she simply said a few words to Maryse and left.

"Maryse, you can't let her get away with demon hunting alone!" I yelled.

"Yeah Mum! She could have been killed, you need to make her understand that she can't do that," Iz seconded.

Maryse sighed, I could see how draining this all was on her, "Jace, Isabelle, she is going through a really tough time and maybe this is her only way of dealing with it. Plus she wouldn't listen to me anyway."

Maryse was right she wouldn't listen to her, she wouldn't listen to any of us. She had even shut out Simon. Luke and Jocelyn had tried talking to her but she just mumbled she was tired and left no room for further questions. Of course Jocelyn now officially hates me, she blames me for the person her daughter has become. Even though the others are too kind to say anything, they all agree. Yet I still can't bring myself to say anything to Clary. I love her so much and yet I couldn't utter an apology because I was scared she hates me too much. I just laughed at my cowardice.

"... okay so we'll meet here later for a group training session?" Tomas said, breaking through my reverie. I nodded agreeing with what ever as being said. As the group dispersed I saw Gabriella break free of Isabelle and run to me.

"Jace!" she yelled as she kissed my cheek and gave my a tight embrace. I could see Izzy frowning over her shoulder.

I smiled, a genuine smile, "Bella! Its been forever!"

"I know! Come on lets go to your room. I have so much to tell you."

I nodded, her over enthusiastic tone capturing. This girl could make watching paint dry sound fun.

…

God I realised how long it has been since I laughed. A good, real, honest, long laugh. I wiped a tear away from my eye.

"So this boy, hmm, what did you do to him? I mean he dumped paint on your head, did you go all medieval on him?" I teased.

Bella just snorted and slapped me, we were lying on my bed next to each other. Her legs over mine and head on my chest as she looked up to speak. This is how its always been with us, like Simon and Clary. So relaxed and easy. There wasn't even any sexual tension considering we had been dating when she left.

"Well... he is my fiancée now!" she squealed.

"Whoa! Bella! That's huge!" I said

She blushed a delicate pink, "Yeah I know! That's why I came, I mean I should have been more prepared but I figured if I was going to invited you guys I had to pay you a visit too."

I chuckled, "Well I'm glad you came. It's been too long."

"Yeah I know,"She sighed. "Hey but enough about me, what's up with you and that Clary chick?"

"Why would there be anything between us?" I feigned confusion but Bella saw right through me.

"Don't lie to me Wayland!" and she slapped me. This made me poke her back and soon we were trying to pin each other down. She finally got me on my back and held my hands together on top of head.

"Do you give-" she was saying when there was a knock at the door. Figuring it was Iz she said, "Come in."

The opened and in peeped... Clary.

CPOV

After getting a mouthful from Maryse in the library she wanted me to fetch Gabriella who I found out was a childhood friend of Iz, Alec and Jace. She told me that Gabs would be in Jace's room.

Of course, I thought, all girls ended up in Jace's room, but from what Maryse had said they were just friends. Secretly I hoped so. Wait, what? I though to myself. I hated him, I shouldn't care about what he did or whom he did. I _didn't_, I reminded myself.

I walked to his room and heard a lot of giggling and laughing. Glad they having fun I thought.

"Come in," a voice called. I opened the door slightly and peered into the room. The sight I saw cut me deep, as much as I told myself that I was over Jace and I hated him I knew I wasn't. So when I saw Gabriella straddling Jace with his arms pinned above his head I felt sick.

"Uhm..." I stammered, "eer... Gabriella... uhm." I cleared my throat, I needed to control myself.

"Gabriella Maryse wants to see you in the library." My words were clipped and my tone cold.

Gabriella jumped of Jace, who suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Thanks Clary," she said smiling and skipped out of the room. I stood at the door way looking like an idiot before I snapped to my senses and turned to go.

"Clary!" heard my name being called out by Jace. I needed to get away, I couldn't face him right now, Not at this moment, my walls were down and I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I ran as fast as I could, out the Institute on to the cold empty streets. I hadn't even noticed that it was night and a flurry of snowflakes surrounded me. All I had on was a top and jeans. But the cold didn't reach me, my torment and anguish took over. I was so angry! Angry at Isabelle for not being there for me, at Maryse giving up on me, at Jace for doing this and more importantly, I was angry at myself for letting Jace make me feel like this.

Finally when I slowed down I noticed I had reached an alley and I could smell demons. "Shit," I said out loud. I didn't have any weapons with me. All I had was my stele in my back pocket, like that was going to help.

I didn't even see the demon coming at me. It was like a clump of black garbage that came at me. It felt like I was being hit by a train! I was thrown across the alley and hit the brick wall. I heard a few ribs crack and the breath as knocked out of my. I kneeled over coughing blood. This is it I thought. I'm going to die.

Suddenly I saw a flash of gold and the light of a seraph blade. There was a small grunt and a scream from the demon before it folded into its self and left this dimension. The flash of gold looked like an angel coming to collect me to take me to heaven. The angel ran to me and cupped my face in his hands. My vision was getting blurry and I was tired. The angle could probably carry me to heaven, I needed a nap right now.

"Clary!" the angled roused me, "Don't fall asleep on me now! Please, you can't leave me!" the angled sobbed.

I was confused, the angel had come to collect me, I was already gone. Then I looked a bit closer and saw the face of my angel.

"Jace?" I whimpered

"It's okay Clary, just stay with me now. Come one Hun, I love you okay? Come on you can't leave me now." he whispered fiercely.

I smiled sleepily, "Jace..." I whispered before everything went black.

**A/N: So sorry for the length of the chapter! I just couldn't stop writing! Haha :) hope it was okay... I just couldn't leave it sad for too long :P I don't do sad. Okay so just tell me what you think :) xx**


	8. My Heart

"_It's okay Clary, just stay with me now. Come one Hun, I love you okay? Come on you can't leave me now." he whispered fiercely._

_I smiled sleepily, "Jace..." I whispered before everything went black._

JPOV

They say you must never you regret anything you do in life because at one point it was what you wanted. They have never been more wrong. I regret every moment I spent away from Clary, every word I didn't say and every kiss we didn't share. I regret not telling her she looked beautiful, or being there when she blushed. I regret every time she laughed and I forced myself to look away. Every time I was an ass and she was one too. But most of all, I regret not saying 'I love you' to her, every morning when she woke up and every evening when she slipped to sleep. That's what I regret the most.

I looked up, Clary was still there, unmoving. She was pale, her cheekbones pronounced and her eyes sunken in. Her flaming hair was the only colour on her and she seemed to blend in with the stark white sheets. She looked peaceful, yet so troubled at the same time.

Every time I looked at her I felt a number of emotions. I felt love that I had tried to repress for the past two months, but I also felt pain that she was lying there in a comatose state. I felt the relief that she didn't die but the guilt that I was the reason she was there. And lastly I felt happy that I told her I loved her, yet disgusted at myself for having to wait until she almost died before I could utter those words.

"Jace..." Isabelle's voice cut through my reverie. I jerked my head up.

"What Iz?"

She sighed slightly, "Mangus is here."

I quickly rose to my feet, my eyes searching behind her for a glimpse of glitter. "Well? Where is he?"

"He wants to talk to you in the kitchen, he thinks its the only way you'll leave her and eat or drink."

I snorted, he was right. I was not going to leave Clary's side, but I needed to know what was up with her. I nodded quickly and we walked to the kitchen. There was no obvious tension between us but Isabelle kept shooting me these nervous glances and I finally had enough.

"Iz, I'm not going to drop dead, just quit staring at me like I'm fragile or something."

I heard her giggle and smile, "That's most expression I have gotten out of you in two days!" she squealed. I just rolled my eyes.

When we got to the kitchen saw everyone was there. Alec cosied up next to Mangus. James immediately gripped Iz around the waist, they were together, much to Simon's detriment. Ash was in the corner sulking, he still cared for Clary but I refused to talk to him. Tomas was leaning against the sink and Maryse next to him. I felt Gabriella come up next to me and rest her hand on my forearm in means of comfort. I was unsure of what to do, I mean the whole reason Clary was in this state was because she had misread signs between Bella and I. Yet, I needed a friend right now and she was the only one who knew the proper reason for Clary running into the demon. Every one else thought Clary had just gone on another hunting expedition.

I leaned into her touch and breathed out a sigh. I took a deep breath and faced everyone.

"What's the verdict Mangus?" I asked, my voice cold and emotionless.

Mangus shifted uncomfortable, "Well Jace, I got most of the demon poison out of her system, but there was an unidentifiable substance in her, which seems to be causing havoc."

I sat down quickly and noticed there was a plate of bacon and eggs on the table. Was it morning already? I had lost track of night and day. I spent my hours at Clary's side, dwelling in regret, anger, guilt and pain. Yet always willing her to get better for me.

"Eat Jace..." Maryse said quietly her hand on my shoulder. "We can speak to Mangus afterwards, but right now you need food."

I nodded before wolfing down my food. I didn't realise how hungry I was before but the moment the salty bacon touched my tongue I was yearning for more. Though the food had lost its taste, the orange juice didn't quench my thirst. I need and lived for Clary, she needed to live otherwise this would be my life. Dull, tasteless, full of monotony.

"Okay, I'm done. What are we going to do about this weird substance?"

"Okay Jace, I have no idea what the substance is, it was in the demons poison, but I can't remove what I don't know."

"I understand Mangus, but what are we going to do about it?" I asked impatiently. Gabriella put a reassuring arm on my shoulder.

Maryse cleared her throat, "We have to take her to Paolini."

I almost choked on my own spit. "Paolini?" I stuttered. "We are going to spend her to mentally insane warlock? Are you all crazy!"

"He is the most talented warlock in centuries Jace! He will be able to help her," Tomas added.

"Are you insane Tom! Sending her a warlock that we have been taught is an example of wrong since we were born. You want to send her to warlock that tried to eat Fey hair and blood to gain their beauty and tried to consume Vampires while they were still rats in order to gain their speed and immunity? Are you serious, who knows what he'll do with Clary! She had an excess amount of Angel Blood, he'll probably try eat her heart when we're not looking!" But this time I was foaming at the mouthing, my breathing ragged and uneven.

"Sit down Jace," Bella instructed. I sat down heavily, understanding how dire the situation was if they wanted to send Clary to Paolini.

"It's the only way she can recover Jace," James appealed to me.

I released a shaky breath.

"You want her to live right Jace?" Ash whispered from the corner, looking me in the eye, knowing that was the selling point. But coming from his mouth I just wanted to rip out someone's throat.

"Don't talk me about Clary," I growled menacingly at him. Maryse stepped forward and said in a reprimanding tone, "Do not talk to Ash like that Jace. You know he is right."

I stood up knowing they were right. "Okay then."

They all looked at me in surprise with some underlying suspicion that I had given in so easily.

"What?" I asked looking around, "I need her to live." and with that turned and left the room, knowing they would let me go.

When I got to Clary's side again I leaned against her bed, her clammy head on my forehead.

"Clary," I groaned.

"Jace..." she whispered. I looked up in surprise.

CPOV

_About a month ago_

"Okay Clary, we need to get you looking absolutely fabutastic!" Isabelle squealed when I asked her to dress me up. She knew it was because I was trying to impress Jace. Everything I had done these past few weeks was to redeem myself in Jace's eyes.

I smiled at her grimly, "Do what ever is needed." I heard her shriek in pleasure and rush off into her closet.

Three hours later, after plucking, waxing, yanking and zipping I was dressed and done. I was wearing a pale green dress that highlighted my eyes. It was short and stopped mid thigh, I was wearing black tights and 4 inch black knee high boots. I had a thigh sheath and various other places for my weapons. Since Jace stopped coming to my training sessions I wanted to show him how much I had improved. My make up was almost all natural Iz had just highlighted my eyes and made my lips extra pink and extra pouty.

When we made our way to the boys I could see Ash's face drop in awe, James smiled but mostly at Isabelle and Jace... Jace looked at me with wonder as if he was surprised I could look this good. I gave him a flirty smile, ignoring Ash. As soon as Jace seemed to realise he was leering he closed up. His eyes hardened and his face became blank, it was the mask again.

Once we reached the Pandemonium I hit the dance floor with Izzy. We were swinging our hips, waving our hands and jiving to the music. I looked over at Jace to see if he had noticed. I was sorely disappointed. He was at the bar flirting with some girl wearing a very short skirt and a top that showed off her boobs and stomach. I pulled Izzy to the other end of the club, pretending to still be dancing but in a position were I could still see Jace and the skank.

While he was shamelessly flirting he looked over once or twice and I knew he saw me. It struck me that maybe he wanted me to see. A sharp pain travelled through my chest making me gasp. Jealousy, I realised. Sure I had felt it before, more than often with Jace, but this was more acute. It stabbed my in my heart and made me want to cry. He was doing it on purpose, to hurt me, to get back at me. I wasn't sure if I felt angry with him for wanting to cause me this agonizing pain, or if I understood that he felt the need to make _me_ understand. Either way I had stopped dancing and Izzy was trying to get my attention.

"Clary? Clary? Clary! For gods sake what is the matter with you?"

When I didn't reply she followed my gaze and saw Jace. She sighed softly, "Clary," she said, her eyes still on them, "He's just flirting nothing mor-"

She broke off when I sucked in a painful breath.

He was kissing the girl.

The pain I had felt earlier was nothing compared to this one. This pain made me go weak. It made me want to fall to the ground and just lie there. The pain made me want to crawl into a foetal position and claw my heart out. I wanted to yank the bloody organ out and get rid of the pain. It felt like insanity! Like I was slowly losing it. I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut and then proceeded to torture me slowly. It was like dripping water down a thirty man's face, but making sure it didn't go into his mouth. It was agony.

I heard a sob from my mouth and found it in me to move. I rushed out the back,into the dark alleys that people were told to stay away from. Right not though I wanted to be killed, I wanted to get rid of the excruciating pain in my chest. I slid down the brick wall, vaguely noticing Isabelle calling out my name, searching for me. I was in the shadows, and I felt like my life's purpose had disappeared and I wanted to disappear with it.

It was that evening when I lay in my bed, to scared to sleep in fear of nightmares, that I built my walls. Walls that prevented people from accessing me and having the power of making me feel that pain again. It was still raw and kept me up that night but I knew it would fade to a dull ache, as long as I kept my walls up. As long as no one else broke my heart.

JPOV

_Present time_

"Clary?" I asked in disbelief.

"Jace..." she whimpered again.

"Yes Clary, what's wrong Darling...where is the pain? Where does it heart?" I asked, grabbing her hand and pulling it into my chest.

"Give it back," she whispered, "Give it back."

Give what back Clary?" I asked confused.

"My heart Jace. Give it back... before you break it again."


	9. Paolini

"_Give it back," she whispered, "Give it back." _

"_Give what back Clary?" I asked, confused._

"_My heart, Jace. Give it back... Before you break it again."_

JPOV

"Listen, Jocelyn, this is the only way," I said for the fifth time in five minutes, "you think I _want_ to send her to him? No, I don't, but I don't want her to die." I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated and exhausted.

The last few days had been filled with making plans and reading up on precautions to visiting Paolini. They had been about ready to leave when Jocelyn showed up, fuming. Demanding to know what we were going to do with her daughter and refusing to send her to Paolini.

Maryse had tried, Luke had tried, even Tomas had tried to get her to see the truth. Her daughter would die if she said no. She was in denial and angry, angrier than I had ever seen her. Take a guess at who she was angry at? Yeah, that's right. _Me._

"Well, Jace, the only reason she is in this situation is because of you. She only started acting out and becoming reckless after you broke her heart. I knew you were no good for her and you still aren't. Sending her to Paolini! Jesus, what are you people thinking?"

"Jocelyn," Luke said quietly, his hand on her shoulder. He turned her around so she faced him and pulled her to his chest. The moment he did she broke down, sobbing into his shirt. Clutching at it, fisting it in her hands, pulling it as if she could show a minuscule part of the agony she felt. Clary was on her death bed and her cure might just kill her. Her _baby_ might die and that thought tore at her.

"It's okay, baby," Luke whispered, "We'll get her fixed. I promise." Luke had a glint in his eyes and I could see that this hurt him as much as it hurt Jocelyn. This was his daughter too.

Jocelyn took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. She turned around slowly, her image making my heart pull. She looked just like Clary, with a darker shade of red hair and an older complexion. "Okay," she whispered.

I raised my eyebrows, not saying a word as I nodded and walked out before she could change her mind. Her words had hurt me, it was the truth but it hurt me none the less. Especially after hearing Clary two days ago, mumbling in her sleep. She said she had wanted her heart back. But what about mine? I had thought.

"Well, Jace? What did she say? You look as if you've seen a ghost. Was it a no?" Simon asked, concern laced his voice.

I shook my head, "She said, yes." I heard a sharp intake of breath and saw Simon, his face full of shock.

"How'd you get her to say yes?" he asked, the accusation clear in his voice.

"What? Doubting my persuasive skills, Lewis?" I asked, my voice full of sarcasm.

He just shook his head muttering something that sounded like, "jerk asshat" before loping gracefully ahead to inform everyone in the kitchen. When I walked in the door Tomas and Maryse were already barking out orders.

"Jace, I need you to get Clary, you'll portal with her," Tomas said, once he stopped me through the organized chaos. I nodded and walked out to the Infirmary.

"Okay Jace, you have to hold her and think about the St Mary asylum. Make sure you're holding her tightly so you don't not loose her in the portal. Also, be careful when you land, it could hurt," Magnus said, getting on my nerves.

"Yes Magnus, I'm not 5, I do know what to do," I said, sighing. God, he was annoying.

"Okay, okay Jace," he closed his eyes and blue sparks flew from his fingers, a purple portal opened. "Go." I jumped through, Clary limp and light in my arms.

CPOV

I could hear everyone talking, talking about me and someone called Paolini. Magnus was saying something about how I needed to go soon or else I was going to die. Yeah, imagine hearing you are going to die.

The worst part was yet to come. I was fine. At least ,I felt fine, I felt good, better than I had in a long time. But I couldn't move, talk or see, I could only hear.

I heard my mother screeching, Jace whispering, Magnus yelling, Maryse screaming. It was almost a sensory overload, except I only had one sense. I had gotten my hearing back about a day after the attack. I had lost my inner schedule so I assumed it was a day afterwards. I couldn't remember a single detail of the attack, or even what had happened before it. My memory lasted until going into Jace's room and seeing him and Gabriella. Yeah, not the greatest place for my memory to end.

Weirdly, Jace was always with me, holding my hands, caressing my cheeks. At first I wanted to scream, scratch him, push him away. How dare he think that just because I was unconscious he could pretend like he still loved me? He lost that right a month ago.

Yet at the same time, I loved his touch, the warmth and calm it bought me. I yearned for every second he wasn't with me. I was disgusted at my need, my addiction but my body didn't care. Then I realised. No one could hear me feel. No one could hear my need. I could enjoy it until I woke up and had to go back to hating him. I could enjoy it for now.

I knew this would just hurt me, make me break down my walls and then get hurt putting them back up, but I couldn't resist it, I couldn't resist _him._ I hated that he had that effect on me!

I was in Jace's arms, enjoying the feeling of bliss and warmth when I heard Magnus mention a portal. A portal to St Mary Asylum! Why were they taking me to an asylum? I was supposed to go to a Warlock that would fix me, set me right so that I could be alive. What was happening? I couldn't help but breath faster, my heart rate increased. Again, I thought...What was happening?

JPOV

I landed with a thud on the dead brown grass outside St Mary Asylum. Clary was so light that it didn't affect my travels at all. Except, just before we left, I had felt her heart rate pick up and her breathing increase. Maybe she was in pain or the unknown substance was killing her.

I rushed towards the entrance, not caring that the others were coming one by one. I could hear Maryse calling my name. I felt an arm touch mine. I glanced up and looked at Ash.

"Jace, wait. You have to wait for my Dad."

I snorted, "I don't need to wait for anyone, we just need to get in there, get the substance out of her and get out. Simple."

"Nothing's simple. You should know that."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine, where is your Dad?" I looked behind Ash to see Tomas arrive through the Portal and look wildly around for me.

"Over here!" I called, getting looks from the nurses running around.

"Good, Jace, let me do all the talking, you stay here with Ash. Everyone else is going to wait outside. Okay boys?" Tomas asked, looking at me and Ash warily.

We nodded.

We had been waiting for 2 hours now, Tomas was talking to some doctor who was nodding and got him to fill out some forms. I couldn't help but feel restless._ Come on!_ I thought. We just need to get Paolini to get rid of this thing and we can go on with our lives.

I began to get very impatient. I was tapping my foot, rocking Clary close to me and drawing circles over her shoulder. Ash kept looking at me, opening his mouth and then closing it.

I sighed, finally getting irritated with him, "What is it Ash, just say it or are you training to become a fish?"

"Well..." He started slowly.

I raised my eyebrows, "What?"

"Can I hold her?" he asked, his voice shaking, clearly nervous.

I glared at him, no way was I letting him hold her, _my_ Clary. The last time I had left her with him she was attacked by a demon. I was about to open my mouth, to tell him to go to hell, when Tomas came back.

"Well?" I asked, even more impatient.

Tomas sighed, running a hand over his haggard face, "Paolini will look at her, only the doctor is allowed to go in to room with her."

"What!" I cried, only the doctor, "How are we supposed to look after her if we can't be with her!"

Tomas sighed again, "I know Jace, but those were his conditions, plus the doctors can take care of him and Clary."

I sighed into my seat hugging Clary protectively against me knowing there was nothing I could do. I nodded, I gave Clary a chaste kiss and nuzzled my face into her neck, "Come back," I whispered.

A nurse had come out with a gurney and I laid Clary down on it taking in her gaunt face, pale skin and the dark shadows under her eyes. Her flaming red hair was the only sign that she was still Clary.

CPOV

Great! Now my hearing was fading, all I heard was Ash asking if he could hold me and then _poof!_ Silence! I didn't take that as a good sign but it was good for the world to be quiet, just me and my thoughts.

I was trying hard to remember the attack, the demon that caused my injuries. It wasn't a normal demon for sure. I had to find out what kind it was before it hurt other people. Imagine a demon that can poison you with its touch, a poison no ordinary warlock can cure. Yeah... Major problem.

Amidst my troubled thoughts I felt something. At first, I thought I was dreaming, if that was possible. The feeling was so soft and light that I couldn't focus on it, but I couldn't forget it either.

The feeling grew, it was warmth. It travelled from my head to my neck and down my body. I felt myself shiver from the heat. I could almost visualize it as a blue light, filling my vision and clearing my body of the toxin. The heat grew, it became a comfortable fire that kept me warm. But it kept growing, it kept heating and soon it became unbearable.

I felt like I was on fire now. The heat burnt my skin, melted my bones and boiled my blood. I had to escape it, yet, I couldn't! I couldn't move, I was frozen in this sun, frozen in this burning state.

_This is it_, I thought, _this is the end._ I was going to heaven, to Raziel. The substance that the demon had injected into me had taken control. It had been trying to kill me and it had succeeded. I accepted my fate, this was how it would be. At least I would have died in battle...

Then, all of a sudden, the heat was gone. I gasped at the relief. I could feel a cold steel table underneath my body. I took another deep breath and the cool air calmed my scorched throat. Then I realised...

I was awake.

I opened my eyes slowly, expecting pain, but received none. I looked up and was met with five pairs of eyes.

Simon was hovering above me, his cool hands on my shoulders. His eyes widened in surprise.

I saw a thin, lean arm on his shoulder. Isabelle. Her icy blue eyes bore into mine and I saw them fill up with tears.

Next to her stood Tomas, his eyes happy with relief and fatherly concern. He had his hands around someone's shoulders.

Ash. His green eyes met mine and I saw a goofy smile on his face. He reached out and pushed a stray curl out of my face. His face showed deep affection and I felt my heart swell slightly at the love I felt around me.

I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of want and affection. Someone cleared their throat and I turned my head towards them.

My emerald green eyes met Jace's topaz ones. I saw a smile take over his face and he let loose a breath he had been holding. His sweet scent washed over me and my heart contracted in desire. I wanted to jump into his arms and cry, laugh, sing and dance. I knew I couldn't, I knew I had my pride, my dignity and I knew that he probably would move on, now that I was fine.

He lifted a hand and gently caressed my cheek, causing my breathing to hitch. He leant his face closer, edging in towards mine. I held my breath... His lime and sunshine scent overpowered my senses and I felt my heartbeat increase, excited, hoping for contact.

It was at that moment, the moment when I think, _Jace Lightwood is about to kiss me, _that I rolled over and emptied the contents of my stomach all over Simon's shoes.


	10. Green Apples

**A/n: I suggest you listen to "Save the Hero" by Beyonce when Clary starts peeling the apples :) **

**Also fair warning to some people, there is a memory about Clary 'cutting' herself. Its pretty hectic... Otherwise**

**Enjoy!**

_It was at that moment, the moment when I think, Jace Lightwood is about to kiss me, that I rolled over and emptied the contents of my stomach all over Simon's shoes._

JPOV

She puked, she fucking puked! I didn't know if it was because of me or not, Paolini said it was just her body's way of recovering. Yet, she puked as I was about to kiss her... That's a sign right?

Simon had been mildly disgusted, but had helped Clary along with Isabelle. Ash had started giggling like a little girl and then started to soothingly rub Clary's back. Tomas just raised an eyebrow and found out Clary would be sick for the next week or so and me, you ask? I stood there like an idiot, my mouth open wide and eyebrows raised.

I sighed, leaning back on the wicker chair in the infirmary. Clary was asleep on the bed, the portal had exhausted her. Ash was next to her reading a book and Jocelyn was talking quietly with Luke at the door.

She had been extremely happy that her daughter was healthy again, but now she, Luke, Maryse, Robert and Tomas were looking into this mysterious demon and its ability to poison people by touch. Alec had also joined the team, being 18 and James had decided to stay back and look after the Institute while they all went to meet with the Clave.

Mangus had stayed with Paolini in order to learn how to purge the substance in case anyone ever came in contact with it again.

Luke and Jocelyn whispered good night, Jocelyn blatantly ignoring me while Luke gave me an apologetic smile.

_Whatever,_ I thought, I didn't care. All I cared about was the fragile little girl lying on the bed in front of me.

Slowly I gave way to sleep, Ash had already fallen asleep and I could feel the 20 hour stint start to take it's toll. So as the darkness took over I was assaulted with pictures of a beautiful angel with fiery red hair and vivid green eyes.

CPOV

I was burning. I was on fire and it was hot! I kicked back the blankets, trying to get some relief. It didn't help, the burning continued, eating into me. It was tenfold worse than the heat when Paolini had healed me. I would gladly take that pain over this one. I felt like I was melting into myself. Like my flesh was burning into crisp ash and my blood bubbling like boiling hot soup.

Someone touched me and their heat burned. I screamed out loud, suddenly finding my voice over the immense pain.

"Don't touch me... I-I'm too hot. I n-ne-need cold," I stuttered, trying to control the pure agony I felt.

"Clary, just relax okay... You're gonna need to walk outside with us. Someone there is going to help you," a voice cut through the red haze and I simply nodded, arching my back at the white hot pain that shot down my spine.

Then they started touching me again, trying to get me to stand. Their hands searing me like I was cattle. I moaned, trying to suppress the howling screams inside of me. I needed to be strong. I was a shadow hunter and I was not going to give in.

The marble felt delicious on my feet and I felt a minuscule part of the fire leave me. My eyes were closed in my effort to contain the need to burst into tears. I was unaware we were outside until a chilling breeze hit my face and I heard voices talking. They sat me down on cool stone stairs, and I enjoyed the breeze providing temporary pleasure.

Another voice cut through the blazing fire, a voice that had died and been reborn. A voice that was going to help me, it said. It was going to make the pain go away.

It was at those words that I gave way to the part of me the wanted to fall down and sob my heart out. I fell into the hands of that familiar voice and it was like ice on my burning skin. He wrapped his hands around me, pressed his lips to my cheeks and slowly the fire cooled, as long as he was holding me.

"Shh... Clary, it's alright love, it's alright," Simon whispered and I gave way to the cold blackness.

JPOV

He wrapped his arms around Clary as she broke down, sobbing hard into his chest. I wished wistfully that I could provide that shelter for her, of course in this instance I'd have to be a vampire but besides that, I wished I was still the one she came running to when she had nightmares.

Simon rubbed his hands over her back, stifling a yawn as they had roused him from bed.

"Shh... Clary, I've got you okay? It's okay."

She whimpered and slowly her sobbing stopped, the red flush from her face faded and her eyes closed. She went limp in his arms and Simon lowered himself onto the stairs leading into the Institute.

He pressed another kiss to her temple delicately, my hands clenching into fists at the intimate gesture.

"She should be fine now."

He looked at me, "Thanks for coming out," I said.

Simon raised an eyebrow, "I came for her."

"I know."

He sighed, "Well, she's getting kind of cold, take her inside and keep her warm."

"I know how to take care of her Leech," I snapped.

"Hey boys stop the spat, she's alright and that's all that matters," Ash piped in.

I had forgotten he was still there. He had also refused to leave her side, his feelings obviously a lot stronger now.

"Whatever, I'll take her inside," I grunted and took her into my arms.

She was so light and soft, I resisted the urge to nuzzle my face in the crook of her neck and kiss her tenderly. Instead, I picked her up bridal style and walked inside the Institute, hearing Ash come after me.

"Jace!" Simon called out just before I walked in.

"What?"

"Just be careful with her."

"Dammit bloodsucker, I'm not going to hurt her!"

He sighed and shook his head, "No, I mean... Be careful with her heart."

CPOV

I woke up slowly, feeling slightly chilled if possible. I shuddered thinking of the fever I had last night. Simon had been there to take care of me, as usual. His cool fingers had chased the heat away and I finally gave into to him, sinking into his arms and falling asleep.

I actually felt pretty good, I had no sign of a headache or the constant nausea that had followed me around these last few days.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to see that it was night. The moon shone brightly through the large window behind me and I could see quite clearly. On my left I saw Ash leaning on his chest, snoring softly. His lush brown curls were tainted with silver and his tanned face cast in shadows of black and white. It reminded me of the second night I had seen him, playing the piano. I flinched slightly, the night my life changed.

Though, I still remember wanting to draw him, to capture his innocent beauty on paper. Unlike Jace, who always looked avenging and slightly intimidating, Ash would look like a sweet figure. Always worried and concerned, yet still strong.

I looked to my other side to see Jace, completely sprawled out on his chair, his chest rising and falling softly.

My heart pulled and I was swept over with a want for him, for his touch, his warmth, his scent, his taste. He looked so beautiful, the moon enhancing his golden features.

His curls were lying haphazardly over his face and I resisted to urge to gently move them out of the way and caress his cheek. His face was gaunt and I could see dark bags under his eyes. I felt a pang in my heart knowing I caused the sleepless nights, though I could hear my pride wagging a finger at me. Telling me it wasn't my fault.

I sighed, I was still so confused about my feelings toward Jace. I mean, I was still so angry, so alone, there was still so much pain and hate I felt towards him. Yet, his mere presence caused my heart to speed up and his scent paralysed me.

He had acted like there was nothing between us after he made out with that girl in Pandemonium, but now I was confused. While I could still hear, he was so gentle, so protective... So loving.

"Urgh," I muttered, I would leave that puzzle for another day, right now I needed something to drink. My stomach growled angrily... And eat.

I crawled off the bed, swaying slightly on my feet. I was still weak.

I made my way to the kitchen, noticing the Institute was so quiet, the pale moon light lit up every nook and cranny.

Every counter and plate gleamed in the kitchen. The knives glinted dangerously. I walked over to the fridge to see what was inside.

_Great..._ Nothing but Isabelle's concoctions. I searched a bit deeper, hungry but not _that_ hungry. At last, I found two green apples.

_They would have to do for now_ I thought, pushing away the memory that the fruit bought with it. _The greenhouse and a few stolen kisses..._ I stood near the window, grabbed a knife and started peeling back the thin green skin.

The knife slowly glided over the surface, peeling away curling strips of sour green apple skin. I drew a stringy strip to my mouth, savouring the taste. I continued to skin the apple, trying to clear my thoughts.

Suddenly, someone whispered my name.

"Clary?"

I swivelled around to see Jace staring at me, his eyes wide and alert. He was already taking a step towards me, his scent starting to fill the air.

"Ow!" I said as I quickly looked down at my finger, realising I had cut it.

I looked at my thumb in awe. A thin sliver of scarlet liquid raised to the surface, slowly sliding down the arch of my thumb into my palm. I watched as the blood pooled in my palm and I stood, frozen, as the blood dripped to the floor.

"Clary? Are you alright?" I looked up to find Jace right in font of me, looking pointedly at my thumb.

I took in a breath, ready to tell him that I was fine, when I breathed in... Him. Lime, sunlight and soap. He smelt like my past, my security... My home.

I dismissed that thought immediately, he was anything but my security or my home.

"Clary?" he asked again, this time reaching forward and cradling my hand in his. I gasped slightly, his touch still creating a tiny spark. He looked at me, his eyes full of admiration, yet at the same time, full of confusion and pain.

"Clary, why did you do this to yourself?" he asked, his voice husky and I realised how close he was. I could reach out and run a finger over his full lips, caress his cheek and nibble his earlobe.

His eyes continued searching me, looking intensely into my soul, my heart.

"I-I- I... You startled me while I was peeling an apple. It's just a small cut..." I said, my voice low and quiet.

His eyes tightened and he looked at my hand again, his index finger running over my thumb. He lifted his hand to see the blood that was on his finger and looked at it as if he had just noticed it. He started to shake his head.

"No Clary, why did you do _this_?" he asked, running the same index finger over the long, horizontal scar on my wrist. His finger left a small trace of blood, a memory of what had actually happened.

He snapped his head up, looking intently for an answer, his eyes narrowing at my silence.

"Why Clary? Answer me for goddammit!"

His words snapped something inside of me. How _dare_ he ask me why! How _dare_ he demand answers from me!

"You," I said, clearly. My voice confident and slightly harsh.

Jace blinked twice, his eyes widened and he took a small step back.

"Me?" He whispered, almost scared at the answer.

I didn't give him one, I just stared at him. All the while my blood dripped slowly to the floor.

"I made you-you... Cut yourself?" His voice cracked at the last word.

I looked back at the memory...

_About a month ago_

_I ran into my bathroom and slammed the door loudly. I grabbed my razor, knowing my intention and the consequences, but I had to! I had to try and get rid of this overwhelming pain and anger. It was consuming me and I needed to let it go._

_I slid out the sharp blade underneath, feeling it press into my palm I took it to my wrist. Not too low, I didn't want anyone to see – not that they would care. _

_My hand was shaking... I took a few calming breaths. I pressed the corner to my skin and hissed when it broke through the layer. A small bead of blood popped up and I pressed the blade down again, dragging to slowly across the surface of my wrist. It wasn't deep, but the pain stung none the less. I sucked in a breath when I saw the thin line of blood that had risen, both sides dripped over the side staining the white-tiled bathroom._

_I threw the blade into the sink and put my wrist under cold water. The water abused the sensitive skin and I released a string of profanities under my breath._

_This wasn't working! The physical pain wasn't overlapping the emotional. I could still feel the tight ball, just under the surface wrapped in anguish, waiting to be unleashed._

_Would it ever go away?_

He pulled me close to him, wrapping me in an embrace and throwing me out of my thoughts.

He was too close, he was everywhere. I couldn't breathe, and when I did I breathed in _him_. It was all too familiar and all too strange at the same time. I remembered when this was a shelter, when his arms could ward off the worst nightmares. But right now this was a torture.

I wanted this so much! The embrace, the love, him... but I couldn't, I couldn't get hurt again.

Yet, his touch was so overwhelming and his smell so comforting. His breath whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

That's when he did it.

He pulled back, and I immediately missed his touch, his warmth. Already he had me addicted.

Slowly as if not to scare me he leant down and touched his forehead to mine. I sucked in a breath, my heart rate picked up and my breathing was shallow. I could hear his laboured breathing, his erratic gasps of air. This was affecting him too.

"Jace..." I breathed.

He leant down some more and pressed his lips against mine.

His lips were soft, warm and oh so sweet. They moved against mine, and I felt a shot of warmth run down my spine. His hand moved to cup my face and my fingers intertwined themselves into his hair.

It was so soft, silky smooth, how I had missed it.

He slowly sucked my bottom lip, asking for entrance, begging for it. I opened my mouth, letting him come in. His tongue mixed with mine and it was a bitter-sweet reminder of what we had. I felt warm liquid slip down my face, through his fingers and onto our lips. It was salty, a taste I was all too familiar with.

We drew apart all too soon, our breathing ragged our hearts wild. He grazed his thumb over my cheeks, wiping away the tears.

"Shh... Shh Clary. I'm so, so sorry love. For everything For-" he drew in a deep breath, "- for being such a jerk and – and having to wait so long to say... To-"

My heart leapt, he still loved me! It seemed to yell, I couldn't help but be scared. I knew that if he said it I would be his again in a flash. He would be mine and I would maybe feel healed, but my head jumped in, to remind me of the pain and agony that I had faced these past two months. He shouldn't be able to say two words and have me at his side. It shouldn't have taken me to the brink of death in order for him to say it. I knew I was confused and I had to think, to breathe. _You deserve better_ my head whispered. _You deserve him_ my heart whispered.

I shook my head, "Don't say it Jace."

He stopped, "Why not?"

"I just can't her you say it... Not yet."

He nodded slowly,absorbing what I said, "Okay Clary, that's fine. Take your time sweetheart."

I nodded weakly, I was so tired. So as the exhaustion closed around me once more I couldn't help but notice that as Jace held me closely, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back, his smell surrounding me, his breath whispering into my ears and his taste on my tongue, that my tight little ball of pain was gone.

**A/n: I cried when I wrote this so... I hope it was worth it! This is kinda a transition chapter so the real drama will come soon :D Thanks for the reviews and could I have some more please? ;P Thanks to my awesome beta Namington!**

**Click review :) :)**

**XXX**


	11. Please?

_I nodded weakly, I was so tired. So as the exhaustion closed around me once more I couldn't help but notice that as Jace held me closely, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back, his smell surrounding me, his breath whispering into my ears and his taste on my tongue, that my tight little ball of pain was gone._

CPOV

I woke up slowly, relishing the feel of a good nights rest. It had been too long since I had slept peacefully, no nightmares or obscene dreams to wake me and send me demon hunting.

The sunlight was bright in my room, catching the floating dust particles in the air. _Wait- why I in my room... I'm supposed to be in the Infirmary. _I thought. That's when last night came back to me. The cuts, memories, kisses... Jace. I had fallen asleep in his arms, and he had bought me here?

I shifted slightly, hoping to get out of bed, get some breakfast and avoid Jace. A wayward curl was irritating me, tickling my cheek. I moved my hand to brush it aside when I noticed... It wasn't one of my curls.

I turned slowly, almost frozen in fear, panic and pure hope. They all won. Jace was lying next to me, his hand folded underneath his face which was cuddled into my shoulder. He was still fully dressed and I could see the dark circles under his eyes.

I moved slowly, not wanting to wake him. He needed the sleep. You just don't want to deal with the consequences my heart accused. I slipped out of the covers, the cold air chilling me, quickly wishing I was still in bed. I moved slowly to my dresser pulling out yoga pants and tight fitting tee.

I moved into the bathroom, putting on the shower and brushing my teeth. After relaxing into the hot water, its boiling pellets raining down on me. I got out and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel. I felt so good to be able... To stand, talk, shower. I changed quickly, my stomach growling from the lack of food. I had no idea how long it had been since I had had a full meal.

_Maybe I should stop by Taki's for breakfast..._ I thought while throwing my towel in the hamper and heading out. I stopped dead at the sight of Jace... Sitting up in my bed looking straight at me.

My breathing hitched automatically and my hand went to my waist for a seraph blade. Instead all I got was skin... The yoga pants were low riding... Very, _very,_ low riding.

His graze followed my hand, moving back to my face with a sceptical eye brow. He raised from the bed.

"Clary..."

I cleared my throat unsure of how to respond.

"Uhm... Yeah?" Was my brilliant response.

"Where you going?" Jace sounded curious, but also a little suspicious.

"Why do you care Jace?" I asked, exasperated that he could sit in my bed and still act like he was in charge of me.

He sighed out loud, running his hands through his hair. The hair I had been running_ my_ hands though last night.

"Clary... We need to talk about last night... About us."

"Oh really, Jace? What about last night? What about us? Because as far as I'm concerned last night was a mistake and there is no us anymore." I knew I was being more harsh than necessary, but I couldn't handle this right now. I needed some perspective.

I saw his eyes fill up with hurt and I expected the mask to come on... His ego to swell up in defence. Instead he just cleared his throat and said, "Clary... Come on, let's talk about it... Please. Can we just talk? Nothing more. _Please_?" His voice cracked on the last word and I could feel my wall faltering.

I sighed, "Fine..."

He smiled, a full on grin that made my heart stop and my head scream _breathe!_

I moved towards the door, grabbing a hairband and my wallet.

"Wait, where are you going Clary?"

"Taki's Jace! I'm going to Taki's. Anything else you need to know mother?"

He huffed, "I'm coming with you."

I turned to him wide eyed, he could not be serious. "Jace what the hell! I'm going to Taki's! I don't need a body guard."

"Yes you do Clary," he said, the arrogant tone back. He hopped off the bed and started to put on his shoes.

I stood there gaping at his rudeness. He stood up and walked towards me. I immediately took a step back, a reaction I had learned in order to stay a safe distance from him.

He stood still, gazing at me and my reaction. He took a small step forward, "I'm not going to hurt you Clary..."

I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, this was all too much! He couldn't act like everything was okay. It wasn't. I could feel the tears welling and my throat getting tight. I tried to get a grip on myself.

"But you always do Jace..."

JPOV

I was in the kitchen looking for James to see what he wanted from Taki's. The parents and Alec would only be back in a few days from the Clave and where ever James was, Isabelle was.

I thought back to last night, when the kitchen was a lit with moon light. Clary had stood in front of me. Her blood red curls tainted with white and her eyes wide and green. She had been peeling apples and had cut herself. But she had just stared at the cut, watching the blood drip to the floor. I had finally got her attention, holding her hand in mine.

The usual spark still emanated from our touch and I had such a feeling of rightness. That's when I saw her wrist... the cut on her thumb forgotten. She had a faint scar along the base of her wrist. So faint that the moon light was the only thing that illuminated the different shade of skin.

"Clary, why did you do this to yourself?" I had asked, so over come by confusion as why Clary, the happy go lucky girl would try cut herself. A part of me knew that she wasn't that person when she had done it, but I still couldn't believe it.

Then she had gone and thought I as talking about the small, stupid cut on her thumb. When I had asked her again, she didn't reply and I got angry, pissed that she wasn't telling me. Why had she done this, why had she hurt herself.

Her answer... Me.

_I_ had driven her to hurt herself, to cut herself._ I_ was the reason. It was _me._ I may as well have been the person to hold the knife to her skin.

I couldn't wrap my brain around it. I felt the guilt wash over me, that I had hurt the girl of my dreams, my girl, to the point that the depression and hatred that she felt had made her hurt herself.

That's when I had kissed her. I couldn't help but want to make sure that she was here, she was with me. Still with me, and with her here I could fix things. I could get her back. She could be mine again, we could be so happy, we would soar together.

And that's what the kiss had felt like, her taste sourish with apple had invaded my mouth and I felt her moan slowly. Her fingers running through my hair, and my hand cradling her cheek. Her lips were so soft and warm. It felt like I was coming home, I could have lived my whole life in that position. My lips against hers and my hands on her, and she on me.

But then she had started crying, the salty liquid had come between our lips tainting our kiss with pure sadness.

I had pulled away, trying to comfort her, to say sorry... That I loved her but she stopped me, saying she wasn't ready to hear my declaration of love for her. That she needed time. I had been disappointed but agreed, I would have agreed to anything.

She had fallen asleep in my arms, sighing softly when I picked her up. Moving her to her room, I had laid her softly on her bed. She had clung to me, not letting go of my waist. I kicked off my shoes and joined her. As soon as I was settled, right next to her, my fingers caressing her cheeks and her head on my shoulder I fell into a blissful sleep, knowing my Clary was with me.

CPOV

I was sitting at Taki's trying to look anywhere but at Jace. I stared at the menu, even though we had already ordered.

The walk here had been awkward enough, neither of us saying anything. We had left my room quickly after I had gotten a hold of my feelings. He said nothing about the break down and carried on like it had never happened. James had told Jace what he wanted and I couldn't find Ash so I had ordered for him.

"Listen Clary..." Jace started.

"No Jace... You listen I need to get this off my chest," I interjected, a sudden urge to just tell it all and get it over with because I really couldn't live with this edging around each other any more. I need something solid and clarified, a relationship of sorts with rules and boundaries so I didn't feel like I was floating in the middle.

He nodded and gestured for me to continue.

"Jace... I know I hurt you when I had a moment with Ash. I understand, but I need you to know that you hurt me by a tenfold, and that I really felt like I had no reason to live anymore." He drew in a deep breath while I continued, tears welling up in my eyes. "That lasted a little while, afterwards I just felt angry. Angry that you acted as if everything was normal and that nothing had happened. It irked me that you dismissed what we had, what I had done, what you had done so easily and I withdrew. But I tried Jace, I tried so hard to get over you, to let the hatred I felt take over... But I couldn't." I took a deep breath as a few tears spilt onto my cheeks, "I couldn't get over you Jace. My heart still beats faster when you enter the room. My breathing increases when ever you step too close and I think that's what I hated the most. That after all you did to me... I still... I still," but I couldn't say it.

I quickly wiped away the traitor tears and sucked in the cool oxygen. I had confessed so much, too much. I sneaked a look at Jace and was taken aback. He was staring at me, amazed.

"Clary... I'm so sorry! You have no idea how long I wanted to say that, to tell you I was sorry. That I had been an asshole and was just trying to make you understand so we could move on. I'm sorry. But, but Clary I still love-,"I held my breath at his declaration hoping he would stop, but he ploughed on.

"I still love you and you may not want to hear it but it's true Clary. What you saw between Gabriella and me was nothing! I mean she came to tell me about her wedding, to invite me to it! I just... Clary I just want you back. I want to feel whole again and just-just love you," He finished slowly looking me in the eyes. He had grabbed my hand half way through his apology and it felt so warm and comfortable.

I looked up at him, unsure of how to respond but I already felt better, his words were slowly sinking in. How he was sorry, and that he loved me and that Gabriella was married – or soon to be. My heart soared at all these pieces of news. I had heard what I had wanted, an apology. He had meant it and he wanted me back, to love me and hold me and kiss me.

So when he said, "Clary? Clary sweetheart will you take me back? Please? I mean we can start from the beginning. Earn back the trust and take it slowly. Please, _please_ Clary... Will you come back?"

I felt myself nodding, my head shouting in anger and my heart singing in delight, because I was going to start again. Afresh with Jace. That felt good, I felt whole knowing that we agreed to be back again.

I couldn't take this too fast, though I reminded myself. He would have to work hard to earn my trust back, to take away the hurt and to heal the wound. Even though it sounded stupid, and my pride was extremely wounded, if Jace wanted me back... I would be back.

My pride and dignity continued to shout profanities at me and I quickly second guessed myself. I looked at Jace, he was staring at me, unsure of my nod.

"Yeah Jace, let's start over," His face broke into a huge grin so I smiled as he embraced me, placing a kiss in my hair and leaning down for a proper one. I quickly darted back, his grin fell and a puzzled look took over his face.

"Slowly Jace..." I reminded. Then quickly added, "and as friends... We need to start as friends." We needed to take this slowly, one step at a time, to heal our relationship.

He nodded, looking down sorely disappointed, but I was not going to give up my everything for him just yet. He had lost that right earlier and we would have to see if he ever got it back.

My heart, head and pride all seemed to agree on this compromise, so as the steaming pile of food was served between us, the warm smell of coconut pancakes filled the air I smiled shyly at Jace, who smiled back at me and I felt calm for once, knowing that that my life was starting anew, and maybe I would heal.

**A/n: So this was a very tough chapter to write. I had such a writers block and had so many ideas on what to do after this... But not how to write this :P . Anyway hope I did it justice. Thanks for reading! And for all the reviews! Also to my lovely beta Namington! **

**Click review ;) :)**


	12. Too Many Thoughts

_My heart, head and pride all seemed to agree on this compromise, so as the steaming pile of food was served between us, the warm smell of coconut pancakes filled the air I smiled shyly at Jace, who smiled back at me and I felt calm for once, knowing that that my life was starting anew, and maybe I would heal._

CPOV

There was a small _whoosh_ and then the dummy's head fell to the floor. I smiled to myself and walked towards my knife lying several feet away. Picking it up I twirled it within my fingers, absent mindedly humming a tune.

I was feeling a lot better today. I held down my coconut pancakes with surprising ease and breakfast went... well.

Well... it was weird, I mean Jace and I had sorted things out but there was still an awkward tension in the air. Jace had tried to strike up a conversation every few moments which would end after a few exchanged phrases and then we would lapse into silence.

I knew it wouldn't have to be that way, but I was surprised to find that I was still very guarded around Jace. Actually, there wasn't anyone I wasn't guarded around, unless you count the training dummies.

I think Jace understood that I wasn't going, or should I say, I wasn't exactly able to just jump all willy nilly back into his ripped arms. No. I had built up a hard wall around me and that would take more than just a heart to heart to dissolve.

Secretly I was quite proud of myself for not breaking down right away and stepping back into Jace's embrace.

There was a slight creak and the training door opened wide letting in a crack of light. A mop of lush brown curls came into my view as Ash stepped into the room.

I took a moment to look at him. He looked so... exhausted. His face was gaunt and pale, he had a three days old stubble on his chin and he had these great purple bags under his eyes. I got the impression I had caused this.

These past two months I had basically ignored Ash and tried not to give him a second thought, but at that moment seeing him like that I felt my heart give a leap of guilt and concern. Which took me by surprise... Maybe Paolini hadn't only sucked out the bad blood but the badness in general?

Ash quickly broke me from my profound reverie, "Hey," he smiled weakly.

I couldn't help but smile back, "Hey."

"How you feeling?" he asked, taking a step into the room.

I shrugged, "I held down my breakfast."

He nodded slowly, "So I heard... You went to breakfast with Jace?" It came out more as a question and I could almost see the gears turning in his head.

"Yes," I answered slowly.

"And..." he prompted.

"And what Ash? It was breakfast." I was slightly annoyed now and I knew what he was getting at.

"So you guys are friends then?" he asked, his voice surprisingly hard.

I walked a couple of steps to him and threw the dagger to the target behind him. He didn't even blink when it whistled past his hair and hit the bulls eye.

"Yes."

AshPOV

I bit the inside of my cheek quickly to prevent my lips from going into a scowl. I looked closely at Clary, she quickly spun on her heel and headed into the changing room.

_Dammit!_

This was the first time in weeks I had even tried to talk to her, and this is how it turned out. Brilliant, just brilliant.

These last few days I had been scared out of my mind for her, so despite the fact that I kept chanting _stay away_ in my mind I couldn't help but walk slowly to the changing room door to see if she was okay. You never knew with Clary any more.

"Clary?" I called out, my voice sounded timid even to my ears.

I cleared my throat and said a bit more forcefully, "Clary?"

I heard a small sound, a sob. I shuffled closer to the door, pressing my ear to the dark wood and my lips to the small crack.

"Lissa?" I asked quietly.

I heard a shuddering inhale and more sobbing. Slowly I opened the door, Clary was just on the opposite wall. She was on the floor, her back pressed against the stony wall and her knees drawn up to her chest. She lifted her head slightly when I walked in.

Her face was red and puffy, she had wet trails running down her cheeks and hair was wild and curly. Yet, she looked gorgeous.

She sniffed loudly and bit her bottom lip, "Sorry," She whispered.

I arched an eyebrow at her, and quickly crossed the room and crouching down before her.

"What's there to be sorry for Lissa?"

Her eyes widen and well up with tears again. Okay, my intention was to make her stop crying not make her keep crying.

"Everything!," she sobbed, "I have to be sorry for everything! For playing you along and hurting Jace and then for completely ignoring you and casting you out. I had no right to blow hot and cold with you. And now when I'm finally feeling better and healed,I have this huge problem to fix and the even bigger problem is I don't know how to fix it."

Carefully I reached out and wiped the few tears that had fallen. "It's all in the past Lissa, you are alright now and that all that matters."

The truth is her words stung me a little. Yeah she hurt me, big time. But being the sadist I am I felt that even when she was shunning me I always had my eye on her. I would always pay more attention when her name came up, or stare too long at her retreating figure. I just never got over her.

Then I thought I had a chance when Jace kissed that other girl, but it just seemed to drive her away further. Not just from me, but from everyone. She became stubborn and rude, always angry. She threw herself into training and while she was good, she was too reckless.

I had become so angry with Jace, because he was the reason she was doing this. He was the problem. And when she started to be rude to him and shun him it actually gave me a little glimmer of hope. That someday I would be able to win her heart, even if I was only second best. 

Today though, that hope had vanished. They had gone out for breakfast, and _snap_ just like that they are friends again. It infuriated me to no extent! That he could cause her all this pain and anguish, then just waltz right in and steal her heart again. I wanted to be stealing her heart.

He was a scumbag, a good for nothing piece of shit and if I had anything to do about it...!

_Calm down_

I took a deep breath and looked at Clary. She looked at me with those big emerald eyes, so sad and vulnerable. I still had my hand on her cheek, my thumb rubbing softly against her soft skin.

"You're angry with me though..." She said quietly.

I sighed, "No not angry Lissa, just frustrated and confused."

"Why?"

"Because I don't understand Clary," She winced slightly when I used her other nickname.

"Understand what?"

"Understand how you can just accept him in you life again, how can you smile and act like everything is dandy after everything he's done to you? _How_?"

Clary shrugged, she just shrugged. "It's not all normal Ash." Annoyance laced her statement.

"Really? Because one day after you get up from a comatose state you go for one meal with the guy and suddenly all is forgiven."

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips slightly, "We talked, we cleared the air. We still have to rebuild our relationship. It isn't all just magically fixed. We are just friends." Her irritation was evident.

I smiled slightly, "There's my Lissa."

She narrowed her eyes even more and then rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. She sighed loudly, "Come on, lets eat."

JPOV

I walked into the kitchen smiling. Why?

Clary is why.

This morning a huge step forward. We talked – without hostility. Okay so it wasn't such a huge feat but still... she talked to me. Even after everything I did she still talked to me.

She was so forgiving, a good and bad thing.

You see I wanted her to forgive me, so badly. Almost every fibre of being was yearning for her forgiveness... they are happy now. Though please note I say almost every fibre...

There was a small voice in my head that kept saying, "You don't want her to forgive you, because then she can just move on. She will be kept away from you and your malicious ways. You don't want her to love you because everyone you love... you always hurt." That voice was a real party pooper.

But then she did forgive me and I felt... elated. Joyous. Lighter.

So yeah... I'm smiling today.

As I walked into the kitchen I heard someone giggling, it sounded like bells chiming.

Clary.

She was there with Isabelle, James and... urgh... Ash. He was a nuisance. Always hanging around Clary, sending sidelong glances her way. He was whipped and I wasn't happy. Only now I couldn't go all protective boyfriend on his ass cause, I wasn't exactly anyone's boyfriend.

Plus Clary liked him and I wanted to stay in her good books.

She looked up when I walked in and a number of emotions flickered across her face. Surprise. Happiness. Confusion. Awkwardness.

I simply smiled at her and nodded at everyone else. She wanted a slow relationship, friends and all that jazz. So that's what I'll give her. Grabbing an apple I sat down in the chair between Isabelle and Clary.

"Jace!" Isabelle screamed.

I looked over at her, a bored expression on my face, "Yeah."

"Where have you been? Mum has been contacting us, trying to talk to you and we had to cover so she didn't go shitting on James."

"Sorry Izzy, I was just chilling around the Institute."

"So you were in the greenhouse?" A amused voice interrupted.

I look up at her grinning, "Precisely Clary."

Isabelle huffed loudly and scraped her back, "Come on James lets go."

James looked a bit frightened and then scampered out behind Iz. Wow he was a goner.

Clary was giggling at their departure.

"What's so funny?" Ash asked.

"Your brother and Iz, they just crack me up," Clary said smiling at him.

I feel my fingers form a fist at the direction of her smile and had to take a deep breath in before saying, "Uhm... how about a movie tonight?"

Ash nods and Clary smiled slightly, her head cocked to one side.

"What?" I asked a little defensively.

She blinked quickly and then shook her head, jumping out of the chair. She was blushing furiously, "Nothing."

I quirked an eyebrow, "Okay then..."

She bit her bottom lip and her gaze darted between Ash and I. Suddenly she pursed her lips and mumbled something about showering, practically running out the door.

I sighed and turned to Ash, "Okay tell me."

"Tell you what?" he asked sounding genuinely confused.

I rolled my eyes, "What happened, while I was in the greenhouse, between you and Clary." The words sounded harsh and nonchalant to me but I was a little tensed up about what they had talked about. If they had talked.

He shrugged, "Nothing really, we just smoothed things over and she... uhm. Yeah any ways we just talked and we are all good now. What about you guys?"

I mimicked his shrug, "Oh you know, same as you. Smoothed things over and all. Although I had the decency to take her out and buy her food."

"Yeah right after you had the decency to break her heart."

I felt my hands clench into a fist again and the smug look on his face made me clench my jaw too. "_You_ were the reason everything happened and if _you_ get between Clary and I now you might find it hard to keep that smug expression on your face."

"Oooh looks like I hit a sore spot for Jacey here. Well, your threat is meaningless. You let her go and now its fair game. No-one has a claim over her and she is the only one that gets to decide."

I shrugged, "Have fun trying Mead but I'd step out of the way before you get hurt and rejected."

"Wow," he said, raising his eyebrows, "That's rich coming from you. Especially after Clary told me time and time again, that you two were just friends."

I got up and smirked, "For now we might be Mead, but she is my girl and she'll always love me."

"Your arrogance astounds me Lightwood. How can you be so sure she'll still love you."

"Because," and I smirked again, "She knows what its like for me to kiss her, hold her, caress her. And judging by all the sounds she used to make, I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it."

Ash's eyes tightened and his jaw clenched. I saw his hands curl into fists when he took a deep breath. Standing quickly he headed for the door and a angry, "Fuck you." were his departing words.

CPOV

Damn him and damn him! Damn them both!

You would think that after everything I had gone through that it would be easy to chose which boy I liked... Yeah not that simple.

I had this bad feeling in my tummy that they were hashing it out in the kitchen but I couldn't bring myself to find out.

I was exhausted, and confused. I felt fine though, my body had healed and the only indication of my injuries was a small scar on my ribs and on my head.

Nonetheless, I was so tired. I had only trained for about half an hour in total. I had spent most of my time staring at the dagger's blade or just out the window. My thoughts running away with me. Today had been emotionally tiring. That was the phrase and right now I was ready for some relaxation.

Reaching for my charcoal and drawing pad I started to sketch. I wasn't sure what exactly I was sketching until the Alicante demon towers presented themselves on my page.

I had kinda missed Alicante. It was beautiful and just so peaceful. I need peaceful right now. New York, as much as I loved it, seemed more stuffy and stale since we had returned.

I had a small yearning for the soft grass and colourful wild flowers. A soft gentle breeze and scene of shadow hunters without glamour. Their marks glinting in the sun.

There was a knock on my door. "Come in," I called.

The door creaked open and in walked James. That was a surprise.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi."

"How you feeling?"

I shrugged, "Pretty good hey, just tired."

He smiled, "That's good. Well I just wanted to tell you that your mother called and said she would be back in a few days to talk to you, once the Clave business was finished. She also mentioned something about staying out of trouble and demon fights." He cracked a small grin at that.

I grinned back, "Well I hope you told her I would be an angel."

"Of course." He turned to go but looked back, "Aren't you coming?"

"Where?" I asked, confused.

"The movie. Iz borrowed something called the _Notebook _or something like that, " He shook his head, amused.

"You really like Iz don't you?" I asked with a sly grin.

He shrugged, his face turning bright red.

"It's really cute James. Plus I think you're good for her."

"You think?" he asked hopefully.

I nodded, "Definitely."

"Thanks Clary. Come on, lets go."

I smiled at him and hopped off my bed. Time to finally relax and enjoy a movie. Time to let go and just be.

I followed James to the TV room and smiled as we entered. Iz was sitting by the love seat, waiting for James. _Sweet._ My gaze shifted and I saw Jace and Ash both on the couch sitting at each end, both looking expectantly at me.

I groaned internally. _Or maybe not_.

**A/n: I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry! I know that I haven't updated in _forever_, and I have a million and one excuses why, which you probably don't care about. But I just wanna say I'm sorry! I am really busy and sometimes writing falls wayside, but this school term looks a little better and I promise not to ignore this story, or my other one. Hope I'm forgiven.**

**This chapter was hard, I think the characters are a bit OOC, what do you think? I'll keep trying to get it right though. Also in my rush to get this out to you it hasn't been beta-ed so please forgive any mistakes. I need some cute dates between Clary and Jace and Clary and Ash. Any ideas?**

_**Review please! **_


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